


Tears Have Turned Red

by Bizarre_Heathen



Category: 13 Reasons Why (TV)
Genre: Drug Use, M/M, Mentions of Suicide, Oral Sex, Past Drug Use, Past Rape/Non-con, Pseudo-Incest, Voyeurism
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-26
Updated: 2018-12-05
Packaged: 2019-05-13 22:52:29
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 15
Words: 36,761
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14757806
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bizarre_Heathen/pseuds/Bizarre_Heathen
Summary: After season 2 finale, Justin and Clay find themselves gravitating to each other.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I am supposed to be writing other fics but thought of this instead for some reason. 
> 
> This fic happens after the season 2 finale. 
> 
> If you guys are younger fans of the show please be careful with tags, and triggers. The final episode of season 2 was a doozy.
> 
> Thanks and comments are always appreciated.

 

The thing about having a new family member is, Lainie realizes, it’s not as simple as bringing a baby home. Justin is a whole new (shell of) a person and he has his own history and his own skeletons which threaten to dwarf their skeletons.

“I am not doing that.” Clay makes a disgusted sound at whatever suggested.

Matt seems open to it.

“You have to try it.” Justin is adamant.

“Try what?” Lainie tries to keep her face neutral. Something about a heroin addict suggesting anything to Clay bothers her. Even a supposed ex-heroin addict.

“He wants to go scuba diving.” Clay scoffs, and elbows Justin roughly.

The unspoken _I went with Bryce and his parents_ is left unacknowledged.

Lainie is about to stop Clay from harassing Justin but then the other boy, her older son as far as the law is concerned, almost pushes Clay off his chair and she is reminded of the _boys will be boys_ law which they now live under forever and ever. “You kids have dinner planned?”

“Lainie?” Matt squints disapprovingly whenever his wife plans on working late. Which considering she left a cushy firm and started up with one with a vendetta, there are a lot more late nights.

“I am leaving money for pizza.” Lainie puts a twenty on the table. “And pizza only.”

“I promise not to shoot up with pizza money.” Justin jokes.

“Dude, what the fuck?” Clay makes a face.

“I meant that place which has opened up down the street.” Lainie sighs. “We got food poisoning from them.”

“Sorry,” Justin calls after Lainie who holds up a hand. She needs to go be a lawyer for a few hours before she can come back and be a mother.

\----------

“Trouble in pseudo-incestuous paradise?”

“Huh?” Justin sits up straight when Jessica and Alex come around.

They still haven’t talked about the night of the dance.

“Seriously,” Alex limps a little and sits on Justin’s other side. “You pissed off mom.”

“Fuck off he is not.” Justin flips Clay a finger when he purposefully ignores him and sits at the empty table adjacent to him. The entire school stares.

“Fix it.” Jessica orders.

Funny how one more round of awkward sex is all it takes to remind a girl how over she is over a guy. Problem is Justin is that guy and he is very much confused. He thought he was better than this. Apparently being in love with a girl is not enough to keep her interested.

“Please go say something, this is weird.” Alex is more concerned about Justin and Clay’s feud than he is about the fact that…

“I fucked Jessica.” Justin reminds Alex.

“Apologize to Clay,” Alex says dully.

“There’s the man of my dreams,” Jessica fucking pinches Justin’s cheek and he wonders why he came back to school.

Oh right, Jensen made it pretty clear that he has to graduate. And get clean. Hey, one out of two ain’t bad.

“What the fuck did I just walk into this morning?” Zach announces at the two tables.

“Faggots.” Monty sneers at Zach as he saunters by.

“Why did they let him come back?” Zach sits on Alex’s other side, a little too close. Justin thinks nothing of it but Jessica smiles prettily.

“Why wouldn’t they?” Justin shrugs, “This murder school has no fucking standards."

“Not that the spirit isn’t willing,” Ryan saunters up to the tables with Courtney and raises a perfectly plucked eyebrow with perfectly calculated disdain. “Are we actually going to fight the jocks or something? I would like to make it through final year.”

“Is everything okay?” Courtney waves over Sheri who arrives only to frown, frightened almost. They just got a tiny morsel of stability and she is starting to enjoy it, honestly.

“Mommy and daddy are fighting,” Alex explains to the group.

“Fuck am I mommy?” Justin smacks himself in the face with a Twizzler for comedic value. Why does he have candy for lunch? He’s from a broken home. Give him a break.

“Fuck,” Sheri takes a seat on Courtney’s other side, helping her push the tables together. “Is daddy on drugs again?”

“Fuck off, oh come on,” Justin snaps when Clay grabs his bag pack and gets up to leave. Justin grabs his own bag and starts to follow. His half-eaten bag of Twizzlers abandoned.

No one is allowed to be alone anymore. For reasons they just don’t discuss. They would really like to make it to graduation.

“I got him.” Zack gets up but Justin barks at him to sit down.

“Oh no,” Monty calls out from across the room. “Trouble in queer paradise.”

“Do you have something to say to me?” Is it the coldness in Justin’s eyes, which shuts Monty up? It can’t be the sad state of his body. His once impressive physique is gone. Living on the streets does that to a kid.

“Oh look at you being so bad.” Clay rolls his eyes as he walks away.

“Follow your boyfriend.” One of Monty’s boys calls out. The whole room watches, interestedly. They have seen much more riveting things and now that Bryce has transferred schools the drama has seemingly died down. The eyes are still watching and hungry for blood.

“You know,” Clay sighs when Justin follows him, the halls empty because people like to sit and stare at their trays monotonously rather than roam around.

“No,” Justin raises a hand, “You are being a bitch, that’s on you. No one travels alone.”

“They can beat two of us.” Clay mumbles and lets Justin catch up. “I don’t even count. So it’s really just you fighting your ex-friends by yourself.”

“What Monty did to whatshisface,” Justin huffs, running a hand through his hair. It is growing at an insane speed already and needs another cut. “That’s fucked up.”

“His name is Tyler.” Clay reminds Justin.

“I…” Justin doesn’t dare say that it can happen to any of them because for fuck’s sake, he’s already on heroin, how much reality does he need to escape? “Let’s just keep it professional.”

“How in the ever-loving world did you associate that word with us?” Clay looks so done, Justin worries for a second. “We are legally brothers, we are tied together for the rest of our lives…”

Just the thought of it makes Justin feel warm all over.

“That’s the complete opposite of professional. We are literally family.” Clay is stating facts but by god, it does something to Justin. The halls don’t look so grey no more. “Justin, are you high?”

“What the fuck?”

“I’m sorry,” Clay says defensively as Justin starts to walk away now. “You look so happy all of a sudden. I thought you shot up before school or something.”

“Asswipe I am on probation.”

Justin sits down at the bottom of a staircase, sighing as Clay tentatively takes a seat beside him. “Do you know what I told Bryce first day of high school?”

Clay uncomfortably shakes his head.

“I don’t remember or keep any pictures or anything.” Justin leans against the railing. “I thought I didn’t need to. Someone who has been around since third grade, why would I keep memories? Brothers for life, right?”

“That’s…” Clay looks confused.

“That kid with the car who has Tyler.”

“Tony?”

“You love him?”

Clay is thinking real hard and for some irrational reason, Justin wants him to say no.

“Yes.”

“What if everything you knew about him was a construct. A lie. You denied yourself the truth because you needed him to survive or something.”

“I think I get it.” Clay blinks, mild comprehension in those warm blue eyes. Justin didn’t realize blue eyes could be warm.

“You don’t.” Justin laughs. “The people who are supposed to love you, love you. Fuck, Clay, you realize you were the only good person on a dead girl’s tapes full of bad people.”

“That’s not fair.” One mention of Hannah and Clay looks as if he’s been physically struck.

“Try to understand.” Justin needs someone to get it, besides the facts. “I need you to get it.”

“I get it.” Clay does. He has more empathy than everyone combined at this school. Justin would bet his few remaining good veins on it. “I don’t condone it but I get it.”

“I love him.” Justin reminds Clay. Present tense and all.

“So do his parents.” Clay laughs hollowly. “Doesn’t make them bad people.”

Justin has met Barry and Nora. He would disagree. Clay refuses to see the bad in people. Something in him is wired to trust and protect and accept. Justin wonders what having this good would have done for him in his early years.

“You did a lot for Hannah.” Clay’s eyes are all watery again. Just the thought of her is so painful. In a way, Justin is mad at her. She had all this love and she threw it away. “You went to prison for her.”

“Uh,” Justin feels the familiar need to dispel the emotional tension. “I did it for Jess, and it was Juvie. I wouldn’t last a day in actual jail. A pretty boy like me would get passed around like currency.”

“Don’t joke about that.” Clay is upset for a different reason. “Fuck, Justin.”

“Right,” Justin reminds himself that their school has become rape central, with the photography kid being the latest casualty. “Hey,” He feels the need to reassure Clay. “Everything is okay. Nothing happened.”

Justin was one of the older kids, which significantly reduced odds of him being taken against his will. There were offers. Nothing wrong with exchanging a handjob for a few pills. He was too afraid of STDs and too straight (he told himself) to do any one or go further.

“I need you to sit here, in complete silence.” Clay seems to be breathing deeply to calm himself. “Can you do that?”

“Yes.”

“I want to go live with Clay,” Zach appears and declares after twenty minutes when the halls get busy. He’s got Alex with him.

“What?” Justin breaks the silence. Well, the bell did.

“In the event of a divorce,” Zach is serious, “I want to go live with Clay.”

“I will take Justin.” Alex shrugs, “He can take a chill pill once in a while.”

“Yeah but his chill pill are actual pills.” Zach helps Alex stand in a more comfortable position. “Can anyone please tell me what’s going on for Thanksgiving?”

Alex looks faintly nauseated. “My parents want to host a bar-be-que.”

“A thanksgiving bar-be-que?” Justin shakes his head. “Can they be any more transparent?”

“Yes,” Alex promises. “They can absolutely be more transparent.”

“I’m in,” Zach says easily.

Clay can see why Hannah went for him. Everything must be so easy with Zach. The conversation. The company. The way he would hold Hannah against his side. The comfort of it. The easy smiles.

It wouldn’t be easy with Clay, not really. Hannah would get a whole lot of awkward and weird smiles. Clay has been told his smiles don’t really mean anything sometimes.

“Jensen.” Justin looks ready to elbow him and then remembers he is not supposed to because of the recent injuries he has suffered. “Thanksgiving?”

“I will ask my mom, should be fine.” Clay smiles tightly.

“Jesus,” Zach takes an involuntary step back at the blankness in Clay’s eyes and the hollowness of his smile. “I am late for math but don’t do that again.”

“Apologize will you?” Alex orders Justin who rolls his eyes.

“I’m sorry.” Justin finds himself saying as they follow the boys. They have math but its obvious Clay is going to cut class.

They do that together now.

“Do you know why you are apologizing?”

Justin scratches his hair, not used to the length anymore. It’s better to have a buzz cut in Juvie, that’s for sure. “No. But you are mad. Everyone else even said so. They keep making those shitty jokes.”

Justin kind of likes the jokes. He will not look into the deeper meaning of that. He knows from experience that when he gets this warm, needy feeling inside of him, it’s his inner orphan acting out.

It used to be Bryce and Justin against the world. Now it’s a different dynamic is all. The group can see that and Justin doesn’t feel like half a body crawling around like in one of those shitty zombie movies.

“It’s fine.” Clay does not even acknowledge Monty who makes another threatening gesture.

“Are we going to do anything about him?” Justin can’t help but get anxious whenever he sees De La Cruz. He has a feeling once Tyler’s story gets out no one is ever going to look at Montgomery the same again.

“What would you like to do?” Clay is doing that thing where he crosses his arms and glares authoritatively. Justin tries not to notice how it’s a perfect fucking mixture of his parents. The lawyer and the professor.

Justin wonders which one of those routes Clay will take and how that will fit into his noble, save the world agenda?

“How do we even the score?” Clay’s self-righteous glare is on full force.

“I would like to return the sentiment.”

They both know which sentiment Justin is referring to.

“So a rape for a rape?” Clay doesn’t bother lowering his voice. They are alone again.

Justin knows better than to disappoint one of the few remaining people who refuses to give up on him. God help Justin, Jensen is the last man standing.

“You would never hurt anyone.” Clay seems to be telling himself, and not Justin. “You are not Bryce or Monty.”

“I’m the guy who let the girl I love get raped.” Justin reminds Clay.

Clay has a perfect response ready, he always does, but he’s interrupted.

“You boys have nowhere better to be?” Coach Rick could be a cat or a former athlete, Justin and Clay both think wryly, one who never made it and ended up stuck in a small time high school. “Do we need to have a talk about attendance?”

“No sir,” Justin says blankly and grabs Clay’s elbow.

“You nasty fucking traitor.” Coach Rick starts to whisper just before Justin leaves with Clay. “You cost me my fucking season. If you think for one fucking second that you will…”

“Do your worst.” Justin has perfected his cold, calculated look. It works in Juvie, and for the most part, Monty seems afraid to confront him.

“Oh, I will.” Coach looks past Justin’s shoulder at Clay, “I know how to deal with faggots like you.”

“Let’s just go.” Clay’s hand is on Justin’s elbow now, and when did they switch positions like that? “It’s not worth it, Justin.”

“Listen to your bitch.” Coach Rick sneers hatefully as they walk away.

“I literally cannot with this school.” Clay grabs his head in his hands as they reach their car. “Raping people is whatever but god forbid someone interferes with their precious football or any kind of other ball. Their priorities are so fucked up.”

“Let’s just go.” Justin feels antsy, on edge all of a sudden.

“To the mall?” Clay looks up at Justin and frowns. “Monet’s? Aren’t they remodeling?”

“Anywhere. Far. Washington.”

“Fucking Washington?” Clay shrugs and laughs, this time, the meaning crystal clear. Justin would like to elope again and he’s inviting Clay along for the ride this time. “Anywhere? What about my parents?”

“We will call them,” Justin promises.

“Fuck you.” Clay leans against the car and he looks ready to drive off by himself. “Honestly, Justin. Fuck you for suggesting such a thing.”

“I got the money from meth Seth.” Justin reminds Clay. “We could visit Hannah’s mom or something?”

That does it. Clay looks tempted. “We are supposed to keep our head down and graduate on time.”

“Who gives a fuck about graduation?” What Justin means to say is, isn’t being alive and intact more important than a shitty piece of worthless paper?

“I care about graduation.” Clay hisses, “Justin, I care about grades. I…” He sighs, “I’m going to math.”

“No,” Justin grabs Clay’s elbow again. “You’re going somewhere with me.”

“We have a future,” Clay reminds Justin, “It’s based on numbers. GPA, amount of extracurriculars…”

“Priors.” Justin laughs, baring his teeth, “I don’t have a future. We avenged your perfect dead girlfriend. I hope you’re happy.”

“Her name is Hannah,” Clay stares up at Justin challengingly. “Are we going to math or not?”

“The period is basically over.” Justin murmurs.

“Clay?” Tony’s voice snaps them out of their reverie. “Everything okay here?” He eyes their linked arms with raised eyebrows.

“We are busy here,” Justin pulls Clay closer when the slighter boy tries to pull away.

“Clay,” Tony ignores Justin. “Are you okay?”

“He’s been driving me crazy all day,” Clay admits, letting Justin manhandle him. “What’s up, Tony? Is Tyler okay?”

Tony pauses to observe the view, “No. He isn’t. He’s having a bad day.”

“Shit.” Clay swears even more under his breath and runs toward Tony’s car, “God, Tony, call next time.”

“I did call.” Tony waits for Justin, who follows at a slower pace with a blank look. “Seriously what happened?”

“Just drive,” Clay ignores Justin’s eyes in the rearview mirror. “The addict will keep.”

 

 

 

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone, thank you to everyone, who read, commented, and kudos. You are all wonderful. More tags to come.

 

“So,” Caleb turns to Tony who is watching Justin and Clay with the curiosity of a confused stranger. “How long have they been together?”

“Huh?” Tony turns to Caleb.

“How long have they been dating?” Caleb takes Tony’s shock as one of his mood swings which come with his mysterious bad boy persona.

God bless Caleb.

“Fucking?” Caleb continues. “Come on, Tony, you have to give me the details.”

“Uh,” Tony takes a deep breath. “I’m not sure.”

“You’re his best friend.” Caleb elbows Tony as across the room, Justin corners Clay against a wall and starts whispering aggressively.

Caleb didn’t realize aggressive whispers were a thing.

“I think they are just friends.” Tony tries.

“Oh babe,” Caleb’s pity is as annoying as it is… no. It’s only annoying. “Babe, no. Does that look platonic to you?”

“I am going to punch you in your balls,” Clay raises his voice and Justin backs away with his hands raised.

“Woah,” Caleb comments as Tony’s eyebrows disappear into his head. “We know who calls the shots in that relationship.

Tony doesn’t have the energy to argue right now so he simply watches as Clay charges in what has become Tyler’s room. Justin glances over his shoulder at Tony and narrows his eyes. They are less bloodshot than usual but the effect is still amusing as far as Tony is concerned.

“He knows you and Clay are like brothers, right?” Caleb asks Tony after Justin has disappeared after Clay.

“I…” Tony scoffs, “I honestly don’t give a fuck what he knows.”

\------

“Tyler,” Clay smiles tightly. “How are you?”

“How am I?” Tyler is without a camera. It’s weird. “That’s all I get?”

“I heard your parents came around.” Clay lowers himself beside Tyler, and sighs, “Tyler, have you given any thought to that facility we picked out together?”

“What’s he doing here?” Tyler looks up at Justin and the look in his eyes sends shivers up Clay’s spine. “Why is he always with you?”

“Justin lives with me now.” Clay reminds Tyler. “We’re brothers.”

“That’s it?” Tyler twiddles his thumbs, and it’s obvious he misses his gadgets. He’s the kind of kid who needs something in his hands, always. “Nothing else?”

“Fucking hell.” Justin makes a disgusted sound. “You almost shot up a school. Time to get help.”

“Justin.” Clay’s voice suggests he better listen or there will be consequences. “Out.”

“But….” Justin stares between the two boys helplessly.

“Wait for me with Tony and Caleb.” Clay glares daggers at the taller boy. “Please.” His tone implies he is not pleading, he is commanding.

“He is so rude,” Tyler chuckles and chuckles, even more, when Clay joins in uneasily. “I would never treat you like that.”

“Right,” Clay closes his eyes and then opens them again. “Tyler, I am begging you. You have to get help. Please. Your parents don’t even know what’s going on. Let’s get them in on the story.”

“Why him?” Tyler is staring deeply into Clay’s eyes and he might as well be taking pictures. He doesn’t even need a camera.

“Uh,” Clay has learned that everything Tyler says has about four or five meanings and they change from day to day. “Tyler, whatever it is that I did to upset you. I am sorry.”

“Why is Justin living with you and I’m stuck here?” Tyler whines, moving closer to Clay who fights the cringe but pats the boy’s shoulder in what he hopes is a comforting gesture.

“He doesn’t have a family.” Clay reminds Tyler who nuzzles his neck.

Alarm bells start ringing but Clay battles the shudder, keeping his own body carefully still.

“Is that it?” Tyler looks up and Clay is uncomfortable with how close Tyler is all of a sudden. “He can’t go off on his own again, so he’s decided to move in with you?”

“It was our decision,” Clay keeps a blank look in his eyes and a curt smile on his face. “As a family.”

“Oh,” Tyler says, “You’re a family now. Do your parents know about you two?”

“Tyler,” Clay knows this boy has a tendency to make mountains out of molehills and see things where there is nothing. “You are going to get help.” He says firmly enough, praying it will work. Justin always seems to do whatever Clay wants.

Clay tries not to give that much thought.

“What makes you think I need help?” Tyler moves a hand up as if wanting to touch Clay’s face and then seemingly changes his mind.

“You almost killed us all,” Clay reminds Tyler who moves away as if burned, “Because you were…”

“Don’t say it,” Tyler curls up into himself. “Please.”

“Attacked.” Clay finishes kindly. “You were hurt and if we are going to get you better…”

“We?” Tyler sobs, hugging himself tightly. ‘There is no fucking _we_ , Clay. You don’t give a motherfuck what happens to me, so take your sad face and fuck off.”

Clay refuses to take anything Tyler says personally. “I care about you, Tyler.” He means it too. Tyler is not a good person but in the grand scheme of things, as far as all the Bryces of the world are concerned, he falls somewhere between those shades of darkness and…

Why does Hannah’s picture come to Clay’s mind when he pictures a pure, good person?

“You are a fucking liar, you hypocrite.” Tyler is miserable, rocking back and forth and he has every right. It still hurts to hear and see him like this. “If they are not fuckable they are not worth saving, right?”

 _Do not engage, don’t engage, Clay fucking Jensen do not fucking engage with this guy._ “What?” Clay squints as if looking through a microscope in biology.

“Hannah was beautiful and you bled all over yourself for her.” Tyler sneers. “What about Mr. Abercrombie and Fitch out there?”

“I…” Clay is speechless a lot nowadays so he just lets Tyler ramble deliriously.

“I’m not pretty enough for you to save, is that it Clay?” Tyler’s eyes do this thing where they respond to the light and get darker and darker as if sucking all the warmth out the room.

“You need professional help.” Clay declares. “Like a team of doctors.”

Every single person in their group does, but Tyler has stopped functioning altogether. He’s first in line to be institutionalized. Clay reckons he is next.

At least Matt and Lainie have a backup son when that event comes to pass.

“There’s more to life than just looking good,” Tyler sniffles and he’s so innocent now that his curls have grown back. Clay knows better than to run his hands through them. “I would obey you and be good for you, Clay I just need a chance.”

This is right about when Clay excuses himself to go home and scream in a pillow as Justin pretends to take a shower to give him some privacy.

“Think about what I said.” Clay forces himself to smile wider and gets up, ignoring the sudden wailing.

“Will you come back tomorrow?” Tyler asks just as Clay steps out the door.

“Sure, Tyler, have a good one.” Clay nods as if they were hanging out, doing homework and the project still needs finishing. “Try to think about what I said.”

“You too.” Tyler rests his head on his arms, curled up on the floor on a nest of clean blankets.

\---------

“Oh dear god,” Clay allows himself to react once he’s outside. He glances at Tony who has a perplexed look on his face. “What the fuck?”

“He has been asking for you all day.” Tony offers a mild explanation. “Boys, the parents are starting to ask questions.”

“Are you okay?” Justin grabs Clay’s shoulder, who tries to shrug him off. “Jensen.”

Caleb whispers to Tony. “What the hell is happening here?”

“When I figure this out,” Tony promises Caleb, “You will be the first to know.”

“I don’t think they know they are doing it.” Caleb is flabbergasted.

“I asked you a question,” Justin’s hand moves to Clay’s neck, squeezing gently. “What the fuck did he do?”

“Tyler’s sick, leave him alone.” Clay breathes deeply. “Let’s go home. Unless you want to stop by your dealer’s and have a nice chat?”

“Haha,” Justin’s hand never moves from Clay’s neck.

“Keep me posted.” Clay nods at Tony and Caleb as he walks out with Justin.

“And you said we were the craziest gays this town has ever seen,” Caleb smirks as the boys drive off.

“He attracts,” Tony gestures to a picture of Clay smiling innocently at the camera. “Every damaged person in a thirty-mile radius.”

“Careful now,” Caleb pouts, “I might get jealous.”

“Are you calling me damaged?” Tony eyes Tyler’s door; suspicion and worry barely concealed in tired eyes.

“Well, you are certainly not normal.”

\--------

“What happened?” Justin asks for the umpteenth time. “Come on, Jensen, did he do anything weird?” At Clay’s annoyed look he modifies his query, “Overly weird, you know, even for him.”

“He needs help.” Clay maintains his stance. “We need to get his parents involved.”

“And tell them what?” Justin holds the door open for Clay as they step inside the darkened house, “Their son went all Columbine on us?”

“Please don’t.” Clay can tell that his mother still isn’t home, and his father has stepped out on an errand. “Justin, just drop it.”

“He had an assault rifle pointed at your fucking neck. I am not going to drop it.” Justin ignores Clay’s attempts to shove day old tacos into his face, “Why the fuck do we still have those?”

Clay shrugs. “No one threw them out.”

“Fuck, they are poisoned.”

“Food poisoning doesn’t mean literal poisoning.” Clay watches Justin dispose of the offensive foodstuff. “Tyler was violated, he was angry.”

“It’s just that simple?” Justin makes a face at the garbage, “Fuck.” He grabs the bag and starts to tie it, “The cleaning lady never showed up today?”

“It’s her daughter’s quinceanera,” Clay explains. “She liked the present we got her.”

“What did we get her?” Justin asks when he gets back after throwing the garbage out, rolling his eyes when Clay shoves his hands under the sink and runs the tap.

“Mom bought her some gift cards from all four of us.” Clay laughs, “They had no idea we had two boys this whole time.”

“We all look alike to them,” Justin makes an appalled sound, “Don’t we, Clay?”

“I guess.” Clay’s expression turns somber all of a sudden. “Tyler is obsessive.”

“You think?” Justin scoffs, “Great observation there, Dr. Freud.”

“Actually,” Clay starts, “Freud might have started it all but honestly, there are so many personality theories out there, it’s impossible to keep track.”

Justin makes an unimpressed sound. “You are the reason I do drugs.”

Clay shoots Justin a withering look, “Tyler fixates on people. He’s lonely.”

“We are all lonely.”

“I’m not.” Clay can’t help but say. He wished he hadn’t said it. He can’t handle the minute softening of Justin’s eyes. “I mean, not the way Tyler is.”

“I’m not lonely.” Justin looks away, at the empty fridge. “We are ordering from somewhere, or what?”

“Just let me handle Tyler,” Clay pleads with Justin, “Please.”

“I’m not my brother’s keeper.” Justin hands Clay a random flier for Chinese food, and twenty dollars is just going to get them four spring rolls.

“You are not going to let me handle this alone.”

“You want to share that weird noodle looking thing?” Justin rubs at his wrist which is a telltale sign he is feeling a different kind of hunger altogether.

“Yes,” Clay is starting to notice that Justin lets Clay win enough to make him believe he has control. Justin usually does whatever he wants. “Get the spicy one.”

“No,” Justin dials the number, “I can’t handle spicy.”

 

 

 

 

 


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I do not usually update this much but this bunny won't leave me alone.

“Fridays used to be my favourite day of the week.” Clay stares up at his ceiling and watches Justin move around in his peripheral vision with lazy speed.

“Me too,” Justin smirks, “I bet our reasons are different.”

“I bet so too.” Clay curls up into a ball. “How long does food poisoning last?”

“Not that long,” Justin guesses, “It’s probably the baby.”

“Fuck off, asshole.” Clay grumbles as Justin teases his hair some more in his phone camera. “It’s fine.”

“I am fine.” Justin nods appreciatively. “Are you coming?”

“I don’t think I can move.” Clay mumbles pathetically, using his remaining energy to do so.

“Hannah?” Justin asks knowingly.

Clay frowns. He hasn’t thought about her at all this morning or dreamed about her.

“Skye?”

It’s hard to forget that Justin has been here for a few months now and knows him, like a brother. The knowledge puts Clay on a whole new level of existential crisis.

“Jensen,” Justin sits back down on his cot. “Get over it.”

“The suicide or the…” Clay stops himself because he isn’t sure what to say about Skye.

“Whatever her deal was, her loss, okay?” Justin doesn’t push the subject.

God bless him.

“We need to get you laid.” Justin looks the same. His hair is done just right. He’s got a brand new hoodie. Clay can’t handle any of that right now.

Justin is supposed to be just as messed up as him. He’s not supposed to be able to move on.

“Come on,” Justin leans back against his pillow. “We’re ditching.”

Clay let’s out a pained moan. “Please leave me here to die.”

“I am going to get a pretty girl on top of you.” Justin stares up at the ceiling, “And she is going to suck the depression out of you.”

“Stop talking, please.”

“Boys?” Lainie walks in, “Everything okay?”

“Clay’s sick and I was wondering if we could stay home and watch movies,” Justin asks, his tone innocent.

“Clay, you can stay home.” Lainie smiles patiently before she leaves, “Justin, nice try.”

“Fuck,” Justin grumbles.

“Stop lying to mom.”

“Dude,” Justin gets up, “Get up, we are going fishing.”

“No,” Clay tries to physically protest when Justin tries to pull him up.

“Do you want me to get in the shower with you?”

“I am up,” Clay feels struck by a sudden jolt of electricity. “I am going.”

“No jerking off!” Justin hisses, “Save some for the girls.”

\----------

“Jessica knows.” Alex doesn’t have to explain what he means. Judging by the knowing look on Zach’s face, he understands.

“Do you not want her to know or something?”

“I don’t care.” Alex shrugs, “I don’t care who knows.”

“Alex,” Zach places a hand on the other boy’s thigh and thinks better of it. The whole school has eyes on them right now. “I can’t believe I’m going to say this.”

“Then don’t say it.”

“Where is this going?” Zach can feel Monty’s eyes on them. It’s disconcerting to say the least.

“I like fucking you,” Alex keeps his eyes low enough that the girls on the bench next to them can’t hear them. “You like fucking me?”

“I love it,” Zach giggles, and then straightens his face. Giggling is not manly.

“Why do you have to ask questions?”

“Senior year?” Zach scoffs, “Colleges. We will both move away.”

“Then we move away,” Alex smiles, “Who cares?”

“I do?” Zach is keeping track of Monty’s movement who disappears along with Chloe.

“He won’t do anything in broad daylight.” Alex promises, “I didn’t realize I was that good in bed.”

“You aren’t.” Zach teases. “I caught the emotions.”

“Oh no,” Alex makes a mock face, “Not the emotions.” A brief pause. “Look, we don’t have a Justin and Clay type situation. My parents might move, your mom…”

“Isn’t going anywhere,” Zach says firmly. “She still doesn’t get why Bryce and I don’t hang out anymore.”

“You really want to go to college together?” Alex raises an eyebrow. “Seriously?”

“At least in the same state.” Zach sighs. Across the lot, Courtney waves, a small smile on her face. “I’m not breaking up because you got into some emo music school and my football scholarship didn’t pan out. I need to know I am guaranteed a blowjob every holiday.”

“No,” Alex plasters a smile on his face when he sees Jessica coming. “I love you more, honey.”

“Honey,” Jessica frowns, “I leave you two alone for a day and you get all domestic on me.”

“Zach just proposed,” Alex says dryly as Zach sputters, choking on his own spit.

“Jesus,” Jess stares at the couple. “Are you two okay?”

“We were just discussing how much we hate Clay and Justin for being a better couple than us.”

“The emo and the addict?”

“Do not talk about our parents in that tone, missy.” Zach recovers enough to wage a finger at Jess.

“I’m the emo,” Alex says decidedly, “Clay’s just complicated.”

“A C for complicated.” Jessica smiles sunnily. “Do I still get to hang out with you two or is the sodomy keeping your weekends all full?”

“No you can come hang out,” Alex says tonelessly as Zach grabs his head in his hands, “We can watch a movie or something.”

“Good,” Jessica leans her head against Alex’s shoulder. “We can talk about my feelings or something.”

“I have no feelings,” Zach declares. “I am officially emotionless.”

Alex gives Zach a bored stare. “You just admitted you caught emotions for me.”

“Speaking of emotionless,” Jess looks embarrassed to be changing the subject but can’t help but, “Where’s Justin?”

“They are cutting class.” Zach holds up his phone screen where a message from Justin is barely coherent. Something along the lines of a club and fucking.

“Oh,” Jess smiles weakly, “Good.”

“You like them together,” Alex reminds Jessica who shrugs. “Two of your ex-boyfriends have switched sides because they can’t bear to lose you. Jess that’s just personally glorious.”

“Damn,” Zach whistles as the bell rings. “When you say it like that.”

“You’re right,” Jessica stands, gesturing for the boys to follow. “He’s doing really well, is all.”

“He’s still on heroin.” Zach offers.

“Fuck off,” Alex bumps shoulders with Jessica. “Clay would have his balls.”

“Clay has his balls,” Zach reminds everyone.

“He tries harder to be better now.” Jessica puts a wayward strand of hair behind her ear. “He never tried that hard with me.”

“Jessica,” Alex stops walking and forces his companions to pause and stop for him. “He would have killed Bryce for you. He went to Juvie for you. He loves you.”

“I know.” Jessica stares at Alex.

“Jess,” Zach adds, “He would die for you.”

“He wouldn’t live for me.” Jessica reminds the boys and walks ahead of them, where the crowds are dispersing.

\----------

“This is absurd.” Clay stares around the room.

There is nothing more depressing than a club in broad daylight. Even an artfully darkened club.

“Nonsense,” Justin sighs, “What are you doing?”

“You asked me to flirt, I’m flirting.” Clay stares at a group of college-aged girls stiffly who giggle at them drunkenly.

“Their school must have a break, let’s go talk to them,” Justin starts to make his way over, but Clay grabs his elbow.

“Can we just sit and talk or something?”

“Nice try,” Justin tries to escape the hold but the downtrodden gaze does it. “Fine, one drink.”

“Someone has to drive us home.”

“Maybe your new college girlfriend can do it.” Justin teases but at Clay’s forlorn expression, drops it. “Jesus. That is college pussy you are turning down. Are you insane?”

“Can you not talk about them like that?”

“To feminism,” Justin says as soon as the first shot arrives. “We will call a cab, you fucking idiot. Drink.”

“I don’t like shots.” Clay pushes the second shot toward Justin who gladly takes it. “Or alcohol in general.”

“Right,” Justin makes a face at Lady Tequila’s welcomed burn. “Sorry.”

“What?” Clay’s eyes widen, “No, idiot. I just can’t stand being intoxicated anymore. The world doesn’t revolve around you.”

“Still,” Justin’s face feels wonderfully warm. “What Bryce and I did. I’m sorry.”

“How long are you planning to apologize for Bryce, exactly?” Clay asks, “For the rest of your life?”

“If that what it takes?” Justin downs another shot. “Shit. These go hard.” The pill he popped as soon as he walked in here when Clay wasn’t looking? Definitely helped.

“I am definitely driving.” Clay shakes his head at Justin, who is giggling incoherently. “Lightweight.”

“You couldn’t handle the weight of this,” Justin adjusts in his seat and Clay can tell he’s grabbing his dick. “Hold on.”

“Justin,” Clay stands up with Justin but is pushed back in his seat.

“Bathroom,” Justin promises but makes his way toward the girls, who welcome him with hooded eyes and flirtatious grins. They eye Justin’s body up and down predatorily, licking their pouty lips and Clay does not like it at all, their gazes, their hands on Justin’s arm.

Justin is pointing at Clay and several girls are cooing loudly, prompting the bartender and exactly four other people in here to turn in Clay’s direction.

One of the girls, a perky blond with breasts barely contained in her top, follows Justin eagerly. She looks as if Christmas has come early.

The other girls clearly look peeved Justin chose her and not them.

“This is my girl Melanie.” Justin’s grin is so… magazine. They look like they just stepped out of one. They could sell anyone shitty clothes which look good on absolutely no one but the models in the ads.

“Macey,” Is eyeing Justin like she will eat him alive. Clay knows he should excuse himself right about now but Justin is inebriated and in no shape to give consent.

Right. Justin is perfectly willing and all three of them know it.

“My brother Clay.” Justin nods and this is Clay’s cue to do what exactly?

“Brothers,” Macey hangs off Justin’s arms like he’s the only thing keeping her upright and vice versa. “That’s what we are calling it now?”

“His heart is broken.” Justin ignores the query, “I was hoping you could fix it?”

“What?” Clay has exactly half a second to formulate this question because both Justin and Macey are dragging him up by both his arms.

Justin throws a bill, tonight’s pizza money, to cover the shots and they are leaving.

“Our hotel room is so pretty,” Macey is not quite as red-faced as Justin, apparently a more practiced drinker, but she is getting there, “We totally splurged. You should see it.”

“Can I talk to you?” Clay can feel his phone buzzing and he is too afraid to check if his mother has found out about this little escapade.

“Me or Macey?” Justin grins, baring his teeth and Macey giggles at that as if he’s made the joke of all jokes.

“You.” Clay cannot believe he has to deal with this, on a Friday of all days. “Please.”

“I will be right back, babe,” Justin promises Macey.

“I have condoms,” Macey informs the duo.

“I love a well-prepared babe.” Justin compliments her, at which she blushes prettily.

“We are not doing this.” Clay is having a mild panic attack. Considering the year he is having, he is allowed, thanks.

“Doing what?” Justin scratches at his arms again, and just like that, Clay understands.

“A threesome,” Clay changes his answer last second. He’s down for anything as long as it keeps heroin out of Justin’s system for another day. A fucking hour. Weekends are usually when the baggies reappear and the cycle restarts all over again.

It’s about damn time Clay distracts Justin and interrupts the damn cycle.

“No, idiot.” Justin misses Clay’s expression in the darkness of the club and in his own drunken sense of accomplishment. “You do her, I supervise. Make sure you get the job done. I told her I’m into watching.”

“Jesus,” Clay grabs his forehead and massages it in a pathetic attempt to ward off a building tension headache. “Jesus fucking Christ.”

“Do not say the Lord's name in vain baby brother.” Justin is grinning again, all heartthrob. “Now come fuck this girl with me.”

“I’m the baby brother?” Clay is left standing as Justin charges toward Macey again. “Seriously.”

Justin turns around, his pupils dilated. “I can be the baby if you want, Jesus. Clay. She won’t stay wet for long.”

“I need a minute.” Clay has to sit by in a nearby booth to contemplate the state of his life at the moment.

 


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey thanks everyone, you guys are the best.

Macey is all over Justin as soon as they enter the hotel room which is definitely very nice.

“Slow down Mel,” Justin dodges the kiss and strokes her hair.

“Strip.” Macey orders Justin and Clay feels his throat dry all of a sudden. The way she ordered Justin around. It’s nice.

“Yes, ma’am.” Justin grins, and it’s so wholesome. What drugs? He’s so clean. The clothes are thrown precariously on the floor. “Like what you see?” He clearly means it as a joke because Clay can tell from the inflection of his tone that it’s sarcasm.

“Yes,” Macey’s hands are all over Justin’s chest, his nipples, tracing the tats on his bicep, his chest, “Nice.”

“The boys dared me to get these.”

“What team?” Macey is so far gone, what was in that bottle exactly? Clay wonders. “Let me guess, Washington U? They break the same time as us?”

“That obvious huh?” Justin raises an eyebrow and she is putty in his hands. Yup. He definitely has Clay beat in this department.

“Yeah, You talk like a Washington boy,” Macey giggles and she is gone. She will do anything for Justin.

Time for Clay to skedaddle.

Justin clearly notices him quietly backing out and grabs Clay by his shoulders. Clay gasps when he is pushed against a wall. “Where are you going, Jensen?”

“Out?” Clay would have waited for Justin outside because this hotel is on the other side of town and Justin is clearly in no condition to drive home.

“Fuck,” Justin frowns and looks down, “See something you like.”

It is then that Clay notices he is achingly, painfully hard. “Uh, yes, so hot,” He gazes somewhere in the vague direction of Macey.

“Woah,” Macey twirls a lock of natural blond hair around her finger. “How long have you two been together?”

“A few months,” Justin answers after a minute’s worth of deafening silence. His eyes seek out Clay’s who doesn’t dare meet Justin’s.

“That’s really sexy. I wanna watch.” Macey declares.

“That’s up to Clay.” Justin’s eyebrow is still raised. “What does he want?”

“I think we know what Clay wants.” Macey laughs, still a little drunk but coming off it. Her tolerance is impressive.

“Is she right?” Justin thrusts forward and all of a sudden their hips are pressed together and Clay is gasping. “This what you want?”

“Oh fuck,” Macey lets out a moan. “Make him come. Suck his dick.”

Clay wants to tell Justin to get off him so they can both drive home in peace and never speak of this again but Justin is on his knees all of a sudden and then his pants are down.

“Oh fuck,” Macey looks ready to reach for her phone and Clay can’t even imagine the repercussions of that, let alone the fact that his cock is out and Justin is sucking it.

“Oh fuck,” Clay doesn’t mean to mimic Macey, it just kind of comes out. He gasps in pain when teeth brush the side of his cock, just barely but it’s enough to make him whine.

“Sorry,” Justin comes up to say before he goes down again and the delicious wetness of it, Clay doesn’t make it.

“Oh my god.” Macey blinks and then blinks again. She cannot believe what she has just witnessed.

“Sorry,” Clay feels a few moments of mind-numbing euphoria and then shame shame shame. So many fucking levels of jaw-dropping shame. “I am so fucking sorry.”

“Are you two catholic or something?” Macey asks as Justin leans back to rest his weight on his heels and attempts to wipe with his forearm what he couldn’t swallow.

Clay watches in shock. He masturbates as much as any healthy teenage boy but that was a lot of cum even for him.

There’s stroking with a hand and then there’s a warm, wet, perfect, pretty mouth. Clay could so easily go again, he realizes with shame, oh dear god the shame.

“Are you actual brothers?” Macey realizes with equal parts horror and fascination. “There were a lot of apologies for a little frat boy action.”

“Warn a guy,” Justin ignores Macey. “Seriously. Pull up your pants.” He calls out when Clay runs for the door.

“What was that?” Macey asks Justin who grabs his shirt off the floor, and then his hoodie.

“He’s a virgin,” Justin explains. “I better go after him.”

“Whatever,” Macey drops back on her bed, clearly peeved.

“Sorry,” Justin pauses.

He is about to offer to finish her off when she comments, irritated, “I am never picking up another couple again."

\----------

“Jessica,” Mrs. Standall opens the door and smiles warmly. “How are you?”

“Fine,” Jessica wraps her arms around the woman. “Alex here?”

“Yes, he’s up with Zach.” Carolyn has her scrubs on and is clearly leaving for a shift. “Honey, can I talk to you?”

“Of course.” Jessica frowns and then smiles. “Everything okay?”

“I was going to ask you that.” Carolyn sighs, “Honey, what’s going on with you and Alex?”

“Oh,” Jessica starts, “Well, we are best friends as always and I thought some movies would be great.”

“What you said that day,” Carolyn says, clearly emotional, “About all of us loving him and being there for him. It struck such a chord.”

“It’s true,” Jessica smiles, “We all love him.”

“I know senior year is upon us and it’s about moving on but don’t break his heart, I beg of you.”

“I wouldn’t dream of it,” Jessica promises. “I can’t.”

“Thank you, dear.” Carolyn wipes a stray tear and grabs a tissue from her pocket. “Comes in real handy,” She advises, “No matter what kind of day you’re having.”

Jessica doesn’t know if Carolyn means that as a nurse or as Alex’s mother. She dares not ask. She waits a minute after Carolyn is gone to go upstairs, where the boys are waiting.

\----------

The thing with younger chicks is, they need gifts and coddling before they let one fuck them. Older bitches are grateful. They come with baggage and they know they are not worth fucking.

Seth chooses his girls based on location first and attitude second. Maybe he needs to rethink his strategy.

Amber’s bastard seems to be doing well. The Prius and the new family are going swimmingly. His new clothes are great and Seth likes the five-star hotel he just exited from and how fucking easily he can move on from all the unpleasantness.

“Jesus, will you talk to me?” Justin is following his brother, friend? Seth has no fucking idea. He lost a lot of money, more than he made, and he is looking to make it back. He doesn’t know how, yet. This family isn’t overly rich but Seth cares more about giving back then taking.

Isn’t life all about giving back?

“Get in the car.” The brother, friend, whoever he is, orders Justin and the fucker obeys because why wouldn’t he? Justin’s baggage is still relatively light. No wonder he found himself a decent enough family to leech off of.

Those days are obviously behind Seth. Considering he’s not a pretty boy who can smile sweetly at family dinners or sit still enough for TV time, he never quite made it to the suburbs.

It’s hard not to identify with Justin. When the nice young shell comes off, he’s just as ugly as Seth inside and someone needs to remind him and his new family just how ugly their bouncing new bundle of joy is.

 

 

 


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey thanks, guys you are great. If you have questions let me know. Also, I know I am not particularly attentive to the Zalex but I will try my best, thanks.

“Hey,” Clay offers as Justin tries to sit up and fails. “How are you feeling?”

“Awful.” Justin falls back into his cot and moans.

“Justin,” Clay clearly has something on his chest, “I hurt you.”

“No, you didn’t.” Justin rubs his head pathetically.

“Yes.” Clay frowns. “I did. We had sex and…”

“We had sex?” Justin turns his head, eyes squinting, “What? Are you okay?”

Clay laughs hysterically. It’s obvious his suburban mind cannot handle whatever happened yesterday. “Me? I’m fine. I took advantage of you.”

“You did not.” Justin rolls his eyes and regrets it.

Bad fucking idea.

“I can’t believe I took advantage of you like that and I am so,” Clay struggles to breathe, “So very sorry.”

From anyone else that is an alarming admission. Jensen is probably apologizing for something Justin himself did. “What happened, exactly?”

“You,” Clay mumbles a little, “You, and I, we had sex.”

“Okay, are you fine?” Justin rubs his face and wonders if he should go back to Oxy considering the reaction he had to this pill.

“You are worried about me?” Clay asks slowly, “Why exactly?”

“I didn’t tear your ass or anything?”

“Oh fuck,” Clay says, distressed and Justin suddenly remembers the same voice saying the same phrase last night in a different context. It’s all starting to come back now. “We had oral sex.”

“Say that again,” Justin turns his neck again and teases, “More grandfatherly this time.”

“Justin, please.” Clay’s face is so red, and he’s so upset. Justin decides to take pity on him.

They are family.

“Jensen, did you suck me off?” Justin knows the answer to that question because his memory is starting to come back very vividly. He just wants to see how red Clay gets.

“No,” Clay sputters, “You… You did.”

“I sucked myself off?” Justin feels a little bad. Oh well. He is bound to have a miserable fucking Saturday and he plans on having a little fun beforehand.

Clay makes a tired sound, so defeated, Justin’s protective side rears its ugly head.

“Look,” Justin knows he has to be diplomatic about this. “Your cock is probably the cleanest thing I have ever had in my mouth.”

Judging by the anguished sound Clay just made, Justin failed.

“It’s probably cleaner than anything out there,” Justin doesn’t care. This needs to be said.

“It is not,” Clay protests.

“Get over it, baby bro.”

“Do not call me that.” Clay looks ready to weep.

“Please tell me you got somewhere with Melanie.”

“Macey,” Clay amends.

“Princess Grace of Ireland,” Justin adds loudly and regrets. He has a feeling he shall regret the rest of this fucking weekend.

“Grace was from Monaco.” Clay corrects, quiet and exponentially calmer. “She married into the royal family actually, interestingly…”

“Suck a cock suck a cock suck a cock!” Justin interrupts with a wounded sob. If Clay gives him an informative lecture he might just die.

“We left.” Clay reminds Justin. “There was not much to do.”

“Excellent.”

“Justin,” Clay starts again, “I am sorry.”

“You didn’t do anything. You just stood there.” It lasted half a second. It wasn’t bad at all.

Clay was definitely attracted to Justin. To his gaunt physic, tats, heroin tracks. Clay wanted all of it. Justin knows lust when he sees it. Clay wanted him more than their potential hookup did.

Clay wanted Justin more than he wanted a hot blond girl in her early twenties with perfect tits.

“I…” Clay doesn’t know how to say he came down his brother’s throat. “I am so sorry.”

“Jensen, a mouth is a mouth. Don’t be a bitch about it.” Justin whimpers when Clay turns the lamp on all of a sudden. “Why?”

“Sorry,” Clay immediately turns the lamp back off. “Aspirin?”

“At least you offered me a drug, baby brother,” Justin turns away from the minuscule amount of light still managing to peep through the blinds and stares at the wall, “Even if it’s just fucking aspirin.”

“Please, for the love of god,” Clay begs, wondering if he should be sharing a water bottle with Justin or are they beyond that now. “Do _not_ call me that.”

“Thanks, kiddo,” Justin immediately inhales the pill and the water bottle and the sight of his throat working to chug the water greedily has Clay looking away.

“What? Kiddo does it for you?”

“Shut up,” Clay chucks the empty bottle into his trash, berating himself for the lack of recycling in this house. “Justin.” He would rather use a cheese grater on his balls then bring this up but he has to. “Why are you so good at that?” There. It’s out.

“What?” Justin asks but he didn’t really. He’s half asleep again.

“What you did last night?” Clay clears his throat. “Why so good at that?”

“You mean the cock sucking?” Justin attempts to turn back but fails. “I was good at that?”

“Yes,” Clay’s face flushes again when he remembers the feel of… okay, unsexy thoughts are required now before his libido starts up again. Clay pictures his parents having sex. Done.

The hypocrisy of his parents as a repulsive image and fucking his brother’s mouth as a sensual one is not lost on Clay at all.

“Jensen, I was trying not to bite your dick off. If that does it for you then I’m your man.”

“No,” Clay clears his throat. “It didn’t last very long.”

“You are a virgin. You are aware?”

“What does that have to do with it?” Clay doesn’t think that matters, right? All he can remember is Justin. Justin’s eyes looking up at him, Justin’s mouth… He best be thinking of his parents again.

“Well, you always shoot fast when you have never had practice yet.” Justin seems completely unfazed. Clay is having his bi-quarterly mid-life crisis.

It irks Clay. “Does this always happen when you suck a dick?”

Justin manages to turn around for this. “So that’s what this is about, huh?”

“With Bryce?” Clay will not stop. His foot will remain in his mouth.

Justin is still remarkably composed. “Please continue.”

Clay knows he needs to count to ten or something before this escalates. He shall breathe deeply and count to ten.

“Well, it was my job to keep Bryce happy in between girls.” Justin sits up, despite it being painful because his skull might just fall out of his body. “Don’t forget Monty.”

“Okay,” Clay holds up a hand. “Enough.”

“Great practice for Juvie.” That does it.

“I am sorry.” That was louder than he had meant it to come out.

Justin takes pity on Clay. “Have you ever had a blowjob before?” He takes the silent response as a no. “That wasn’t even mediocre. That was barely any suction. I did not even go down on you properly. Frankly, you didn’t give me much time.”

“Huh,” Is all Clay can say. That was basically the most erotic moment of his life. Basically.

“If you had any experience,” Justin tries to stand, “Or I was the legendary knob polisher of Liberty High, you would know.”

“Justin,” Clay starts all over, “I can’t even begin to explain how terrible I feel.”

“You feel terrible?” Justin whines again, “My head hurts so fucking bad. I think I’m allergic to your jizz.”

“The aspirin isn’t working?” Clay wants to move closer to Justin but thinks better of it. “Do you need anything stronger?”

“You mean heroin?”

“No,” Clay refuses to take the bait. Today, Justin is absolved of all scolding. Hell, he is forgiven for a whole month.

“I will take an Oxy,” Justin groans so pathetically Clay is actually tempted to try and attempt and get him one.

“Justin.”

“Yes, Jensen?”

“I didn’t force myself on you?” Clay hates how vulnerable he sounds. Honestly, kill him now.

“You were sober,” Justin is leaning against the wall adjacent to his cot. “Do you remember taking advantage of me?”

“No,” Clay knows he didn’t stop Justin. “You were drunk. You didn’t say no.” Clay didn’t say no. There was no time and he wanted Justin with the entire force of his libido, and considering he is a teenager, that is a lot of energy.

“Jensen,” Justin amends, “Clay. You are not Bryce, okay?”

“That’s not what I am saying.” Clay has to sit down. “Not every rapist is the same.”

“I say this as someone who knows you both real well.” Justin promises, eyes clear, “You are everything he is not. You are good, he is bad.”

“Life isn’t that black and white.” Even Clay, with his limited life experience, knows that.

“No,” Justin laughs a little, “It really is. People are good or bad. It’s just that simple. Don’t over think it.”

Clay has vowed to give Justin a little time off from berating so he drops it.

“Bryce is the kind of person,” Justin looks down at his shirt, and the air around him freezes. Clay can actually see him regressing. “Bryce is the kind of person who has all the money in the world. He gives and he gives because he has enough to give.”

 _Overly simple,_ Clay can’t help but think.

“Until you are his,” Justin continues, “Your shoes are his. Your thoughts are his. He makes you want to… fuck, Clay. I can’t explain it. I get what Monty did. Isn’t that just all kinds of fucked up?”

“You would never do that.”

“I get what happened.” Justin is pleading with Clay to understand and all Clay can do is nod. “He inspires this insane level of devotion.”

“You are not his anymore.” Clay can’t help but say.

“Now I am yours,” Justin says and that’s it. He went and said _that_.

“I’m the new Bryce?” Clay wants to laugh and cry. Together. All at once.

“No,” Justin thinks out loud. “You inspire devotion. Just in a different way.”

“You don’t know what you’re saying.” Clay needs to leave. Possibly forever but he will take an hour. “I need to take a walk.”

“Clay,” Justin tries to grab his hand just before he steps out. “Are we okay?”

“No,” Clay lets out the breath he has been holding for a few minutes. “We are not okay, Justin.”

“Be careful.” It’s a testament to how exhausted Justin is that he doesn’t try to stop Clay from leaving. “Take a knife or something from the kitchen with you.”

“Are you fucking kidding me?”

Justin is already back to sleep.

\----------

“So…” Jessica smiles at her companions, “Your mother was just leaving for work, Alex.”

“Don’t get me started on mom.” Alex strokes Zach’s hair. He is basically asleep in Alex’s lap. “Overprotective much?”

“She still thinks we are dating?” Jess asks as Zach basically purrs from the soft touches. “You guys are pretty serious over here.”

“We are not serious,” Alex responds, as Zach makes a non-committal kind of agreeing sound.

“You made plans to go to school together.”

“Nearby,” Alex scoffs, “A few miles off. Their music program is decent. Zach got a scholarship.”

“Your mother knows that? Zach’s mother knows that she has in-laws?”

“Okay,” Alex says as Zach sits up in shock. “Time-out. Let’s discuss this.”

“Let’s.” Zach removes his shirt. At Jessica’s flabbergasted gasp and Alex’s deadpan look, he puts it back on. “I thought we were finally going for it.”

“Idiot.” Alex slaps Zach upside the head.

“You need to tell people,” Jessica says slowly as if speaking to a younger sibling. “Please.”

“No,” Alex crosses his arms defensively. “It will get all complicated.”

“Are you using condoms?”

“Jesus,” Zach lets out an appalled shriek.

“Are you?” Jess raises an eyebrow, which used to work on Alex, and considering he is lowering his eyes demurely, it still does. She should have known, honestly. It’s not okay to judge from how feminine someone is but Alex is the stereotypical pretty princess who plays for the other team.

What the hell is Justin’s deal then?

“No.” Zach sighs, “We got tested. We are clean, mom.”

“I am not your mother,” Jessica says, offended. The group mom role has been assigned already, thank you. They have a full year to graduation and Jessica better snip that in the bud that before it even starts. “I am just concerned about you.”

“You sound like Clay.” Alex and Zach together, and then smile at each other.

“You are deflecting,” Jessica says patiently. “That’s fine.”

“Even more Clay.” Alex laughs some more and Jessica throws a pillow at him.

“Ow,” Alex moans from underneath the pillow. “My gunshot wound.”

“Ass,” Jessica kicks Alex’s bad leg. “Fine, make bad life decisions, see if I care.”

“Thank you,” Zach says relieved. “Now is there going to be a threesome or not?”

“You can go jerk off in the bathroom, babe,” Alex says patiently, his voice muffled from the pillow.

“Eww,” Jessica makes a disgusted sound as the boys laugh at her, “Eww.”

\----------

“Hey,” Justin comes downstairs to find Lainie and Matt with Clay. “I thought you were going out.”

“Mom says we are grounded.” Clay looks resigned to his fate.

“Why?” Justin can’t imagine his mother grounding him. The thought of that makes him giggle a little. It might just be the pill still. Strong enough to still kick it in his system.

“Something funny?” Matt asks Justin who shrugs.

“Did he just do that?” Lainie asks Matt who shakes his head in disbelief. “Justin, did you just shrug at us?”

“Sorry, ma’am,” Justin responds, which has her calm down a little, minutely.

“Who wants to explain what happened yesterday?” Lainie leans back in her chair and crosses her arms.

“We cut class.” Clay answers.

“And went where?” Matt adjusts his glasses.

“To a sex club.” Clay answers again, making his parents scoff.

“Justin,” Lainie looks ready to slap someone, “You want to help explain why the school called and reported an absence?”

“We cut class.” Justin starts, “And then we went to the park.”

“And had ice-cream?” Matt looks amused more than angry.

“Yes,” Justin agrees. “We had this new flavor called Russian fusion. Whatever that means. I do not recommend it.”

“So Russian fusion is the reason you are displaying these symptoms?” Lainie is a lawyer. She could be a doctor or anything she ever wanted. She is certainly smart enough. “Explain please.”

“Mom,” Clay tries to interject but is halted.

“I am not talking to you.” Lainie hisses at Clay. Justin can certainly see where he got that attitude from.

“Mom he is not on drugs.” Clay makes a face.

“You do not lie to me.” Lainie snapping at Clay is like a cat barking at a puppy or some shit. If this is what counts for yelling at this house then Justin is down because not a single lamp has been thrown, nobody has been punched or kicked out.

“Justin,” Matt starts, the cool dad to Lainie’s hot fury. “Lainie and I have decided…”

“You are breaking up with me?” Justin jokes. If he sounds a little vulnerable then so be it.

“We do not break up with kids in this house,” Matt says kindly, “Lucky for Clay.”

“Haha,” Clay says.

“You are going to rehab.”

“What?” Clay is the one with the reaction, he stands up. His eyes just as furious as Lainie’s. “What the fuck.”

“Language.” Lainie is clearly, very caught off guard. “Honey.”

“Yeah, honey.” Justin is amused as well. The puppy kicks back. “Language.”

Clay ignores him. “You did not discuss this with me.”

“We don’t have to,” Lainie says challengingly. “He is our son.”

 _Why did that feel so good?_ Justin wonders as Clay almost flips a shit. Matt’s hand on the dining room table is the only reason it is not overturned. “The fuck he is. I brought him here. He is mine.”

“Oh dear.” Matt sighs and pinches his nose. “Oh dear god.”

“You want to take this up in court, dear?” Lainie cocks her head to the side.

“Did you just threaten to sue our son?” Matt lets out a laugh. “Lainie.” The affection in his tone is beyond belief.

This is what counts for a fight in this house.

“You can’t take him from me.” Clay looks ready to throw a lamp.

“I am not taking him from you, honey.” Lainie says calmly, “His senior year is coming up and he is on drugs. If he is going to make it to college.”

“I am not going to college,” Justin adds.

“When he makes it to college.” Lainie’s stare could freeze water and Justin is glad it was only on him for a second because burr. “He will flunk right out.”

“Is this one of those fruity vacay rehabs?” Justin looks one look at the brochure. “I am game.”

“No,” Clay takes the brochure and rips it.

“Calm down, you could kill someone.” Justin jokes and shares a well-humored glance with Matt because clearly Lainie and Clay take things too far.

“Yes,” Clay snaps, “Myself.”

“Oh jeez,” Justin slaps his forehead. The temperature in the room drops all of a sudden.

“What?” Lainie asks as Matt sits up straight. “Honey, what was that?”

“If you take Justin from me, I will hurt myself.” The gravity of what Clay just said dawns on him as well and he stares at the crumpled up brochure in his hand.

“Are you having suicidal thoughts, Clay?” Matt asks.

“No, he is not,” Justin makes a face. “He would have told me.”

“I don’t know what to do.” Lainie turns to Matt who looks charmingly confused. “I have a drug addict and a…” She sighs at Clay. “This.”

“If he goes I go.” Clay’s hands are shaking.

“He is not going,” Matt says slowly as if talking to a feral raccoon. “There is clearly some kind of interdependence here.”

“Really?” Lainie says sarcastically. “We are just getting that now? They sleep in the same room despite Justin’s being ready for a solid month.”

“We like sleepovers?” Justin offers when questioning eyes land on him.

“Can Justin sleep in his own room?” Lainie asks Clay who seems to be considering it, and then tentatively nods his head. “Are the self-harming thoughts serious?”

“They will be if you take Justin.” Clay threatens.

“Son,” Matt speaks and he is very serious now, all traces of humor gone. “I have raised you to be a good person, not someone who uses suicide as a weapon or stands in the way of your brother’s recovery.”

“I don’t care what you think.” Clay stresses, “If Justin goes, I go.” That said, he storms upstairs.

“I will just…” Justin starts to take after Clay when the parents raise their hands. “Justin, do you get why we are doing this?”

“Yes,” Justin knows they care. That much is obvious. Why? He hasn’t figured that out yet. He figures he has time.

“I’m a possessive person with my things.” Lainie offers, “Clay is the same way. Give him time. He’s getting used to having a brother.”

“I am one of those things and I promise you it gets better.” Matt’s light tone is back and just like that, they are fine. The conflict never happened.

“Sure,” Justin nods, “May I be excused?”

Lainie and Matt look as if he’s done an amazing trick. “Yes, dear, you may be.”

“Why is our drug addict better behaved than my sperm?” Matt asks Lainie mockingly.

“Give our drug addict time,” Lainie says dryly. “He will prove himself just yet.”

\----------

“What the fuck was that?” Justin isn’t mad he is disappointed.

Dear god he has expectations. This won’t end well for him, that much is certain.

“You can’t leave.” Clay is pacing back and forth in their tiny room. Considering it is a very small room there is not much room to walk in. He is essentially wandering around in a circle. “Okay, you just cannot.”

“Is this because I sucked your dick?” Justin wonders aloud.

“What,” Clay pauses in his manic pacing, “No. That was just fucking weird.”

“Good, thanks.” Justin lowers himself on his cot. “I was high. Seemed like the right thing to do.”

“How in…” Clay seems rightfully astonished, “The motherfuck was that the right thing to do?”

“You want to explain why you had a chub as soon as you saw me shirtless?” Justin is curious as hell. Clay isn’t much of a player. He has a dead girlfriend he is in love with. He has an absent girlfriend he is in love with. He has a live-in best friend he is in…

Justin is starting to see a pattern.

“I…” Clay’s cheeks are a soft dusky pink. If Justin saw that on a girl, that’s a sure thing. “I don’t know.”

“Right,” Justin rolls his eyes.

“You are not going to fucking rehab.” Clay looks ready to fight someone. Considering Justin is the closest living thing he is mildly concerned.

“Fine,” Justin shrugs. “Those things are just fake anyway.”

“You are not getting your own room.”

“Why?” Justin questions.

“Umm,” Clay is pretty confused at that one himself. “Well…”

“Why can’t I have my own room, Clay?” Justin cocks his head to the side, quizzically, and then leaps off his cot, on his knees in front of his adoptive brother, “So you want me all close to yourself, huh?”

“What?” Clay looks all frozen again, just like last night.

“Convenient access?” Justin makes sure he says that when he’s eye level with Clay’s crotch.

“Dear god let go, no.” Clay tries to push Justin off. “I just don’t want you to leave me.”

“I don’t know what the fuck that means.” Justin can understand the bisexual tendencies. He would bet his left nut something happened with Clay and that Tony kid in between Hannah and Skye.

Clay isn’t just cute he has an attractive, protective personality. Justin can see why there is always someone buzzing for his attention. Who wouldn’t want to be under the full force of Clay Jensen’s emotional protection?

“I like having you in my life.” Clay says slowly, “How much clearer can I make it?”

“Look,” Justin keeps his arms around Clay’s legs, “I can’t do feelings, with my brother of all people, okay?”

Clay places his hands on Justin’s shoulders. “They sent Skye to a facility and she ended up gone forever.”

“With her family?” Justin asks and when Clay nods, he adds, “You’re my family, Clay. I’m not going to run off because they shipped me off to some golf course which thinks they can fix me.”

“Yoga,” Clay says seriously. “They do yoga and meditation there.”

“I am broken.” Justin reminds Clay. “It takes more than a retreat to take that out of me.”

“Honestly,” Clay sniffles, and lowers himself so he is eye-level with Justin. “If you wanted to go, I would be down to go.”

“What about school?” Justin lets Clay settle on the floor beside him. “Clay you actually have a shot at being a lawyer, or a prof, or whatever you want. Don’t fuck that up because I need a lifetime’s worth of therapy.”

“You are not going anywhere alone.” Clay reminds Justin of their rule. “I am not losing another person.”

“When you lump me in with Hannah and Skye,” Justin sighs, the pounding in his skull is back, not just because he is hung over. “What am I supposed to think?”

“I don’t care.” Clay leans back against his bed. “I don’t care about anything anymore.”

“Well start by explaining why you just threatened to kill yourself?”

“The parents would take me seriously?”

“Are you serious?”

“No.” Clay promises. “I don’t want to lose you.”

“Clay,” Justin reaches out a hand and grabs Clay’s in his, “I understand this makes us even gayer than we already are.”

“You started the oral sex.” Clay hisses, very aware that the door is still open.

“I am not going anywhere. Okay? Not unless you wanted me to.”

Clay’s expression crumbles and if he was asked years later he could not explain where these emotions came from. Probably the oral sex. “I don’t want you to go.” He crawls forward, and Justin finds himself with a lap full of brother.

“Umm,” Justin is not expecting this. To be honest, this household is more unpredictable than his own, or Bryce’s. “Okay.” He strokes Clay’s back and the back of his head and neck. “Easy there tiger.”

“Boys dinner is ready and I was wondering if…” Lainie stands in the doorway, frozen. “Oh.”

“We were talking about Hannah.” Justin is a quick thinker. If nothing else.

“Oh,” Lainie frowns, “Alright. Downstairs when ready.” She pauses, “You are sleeping in your own rooms tonight.” Her work shoes click away with a deafening sound as she marches downstairs.

“No, we are not.” Clay mumbles, his lips so close to Justin’s collarbone, his breath is felt more than his voice.

“I know.” Justin tightens his arm around Clay.

 


	6. Chapter 6

“Something seem different to you?” Sheri remarks.

“You noticed?” Ryan smiles adoringly, “Thank you, babe.”

“Not everything is about your stupid hair.” Courtney recognizes narcissism when she sees it. She is quite guilty of it herself.

“What the hell is that?” Sheri gestures to where Justin just held the door open for Clay.

“Maybe it’s their anniversary or something?” Ryan says jealously. “I can’t believe I’m the only homo in this group not in a relationship.”

“Thanks,” Courtney nods, “Thanks for that, Ryan.”

“How are they a better couple than say,” Ryan waves his hand around, thinking of an example. “Tony and I?”

“Anger issues?” Sheri rests her head on hand, “Malignant narcissism.”

“Ouch,” Ryan is about to retort when Clay pulls out a chair for Justin. “Jesus.”

“Okay,” Sheri scoffs. “Clay’s a chivalrous one. He did that for me when we dated for that hot second.”

“You’re not his love addict.” Courtney reminds Sheri, making her giggle.

“Thank you,” Ryan nods, “Addiction. Nobody did drugs.”

“Well not yet,” Courtney remarks, making Sheri laugh some more.

“Seriously what the fuck?” Ryan comments as Justin all but pushes his fries toward Clay, who accepts them. Clay is too generous for that shit.

“Do they seem gayer to you?” Alex leans over from where he’s slumped over and asks, “Or is it just me?”

“Yes,” Courtney responds. “They do.”

“Maybe something happened?” Jessica pulls her chair closer. Beside her, Zach almost falls off his chair where he’s trying to catch a nap before Math.

“Like the anal sex they have on a regular basis?” Alex reminds everyone.

“Sex doesn’t do that.” Ryan points to where Justin openly laughs at something boring Clay said.

“Stop pointing.” Sheri hisses.

“Why?” Ryan rolls his eyes. “Everyone else is doing it.”

“Clay’s jokes are so terribly mind-numbingly stupid.” Jessica agrees and everyone nods. “He’s like the king of dad jokes.”

“And exhibit A.” Ryan points again, as Justin almost flips his shit.

“I’m going to go say something.” Alex is all about gay sex. It feels amazing. Public displays are gross. “That’s just vulgar.”

“You can’t just go say something,” Jessica says disbelievingly.

“Fine.” Alex elbows Zach right in the ribs. “Go say something.”

“Huh?” Zach actually falls off his chair. The entire school laughs with the notable exception of Monty. His gaze could kill a man.

“Do something,” Sheri begs and gestures to where Justin and Clay are gazing into each other’s eyes.

“O-Okay.” Zach lifts himself up slowly. “Hey guys,” He scratches his head when he’s actually right beside the couple. “How’s it going?”

“What do you want?” Justin’s face gets all serious. “Why are those fuckers pointing at us?”

“Everyone’s doing it.” Zach looks around. The whole school is staring. “It’s lunchtime. All people do is eat and watch.”

“Point,” Clay says politely. “How can we help?”

“Actually,” Zach responds just as politely. It feels unnatural. “May I please borrow Justin for a second?”

“Sure,” Clay nods, “Bring him back though. Unless you want Alex getting jealous.”

Justin laughs. Zach stares uncomfortably. “I would rather go back to girls.” Is Zach’s response to that.

“Ouch,” Justin’s grin is still plastered on as he walks away with Zach, “Won’t even consider me? Huh? That Alex must be good?”

“I know you are joking but I need you to stop.” Zach holds the door open for Justin.

“Hey, guys.” Clay waves to where the rest of the group is staring blankly.

“I deserve better,” Ryan says bitterly.

“We all do, sweetie.” Sheri makes a face at her barely eaten apple and chucks it in the nearby garbage.

\----------

“Yes?” When no one’s said anything for a good ten minutes, Justin is inclined to start the conversation. “What do you want?”

“Okay,” Zach jumps, switching between feet. “Here’s the thing.”

“Shit, I was joking,” Justin’s expression crumbles. “I don’t want you.” He has his hands full with Clay. Things are just starting to make sense between Justin and his brother. Jesus.

“I know, you’re not my type,” Zach says easily. “I like them pretty.”

“Are you saying I’m not pretty?” Justin fakes a hurt expression. Honestly coming from Zach that’s a relief.

“You are not Alex. Speaking of Alex.” Zach breathes shallowly. “I think I am doing it wrong.”

“It?” Justin squints. “Huh?” Realization dawns on him in a frightening wave of fear. “Oh no.”

“Look,” Zach says as Justin starts to back away. “In a matter of speaking…”

Justin turns around and makes a run back toward the cafeteria. Zach barely behind him.

“What’s wrong?” Clay frowns as Justin materializes back beside him and hyperventilates. “You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”

“Zach just asked me about sex.” Justin hisses.

“What?” Clay tries to finish off their fries. “Well, you are good at it.”

“Gay sex.”

“Oh god,” Clay drops his last fry, “What the fuck?”

“Why would he ask me that?”

“Zach,” Clay turns to where Zach has reappeared. “Why would you ask Justin that?”

“Can I talk to both of you?” Zach is barely out of breath. He may not be on the team anymore but he is still in shape, and Justin is very much not, and on drugs. He is panting pathetically from a short run.

“Anything you want to ask us, you can ask us here.” The look on Clay’s face is just as pained as Justin’s.

“How do I have sex with Alex?” Zach whispers, at which Justin howls loudly.

“What just happened?” Ryan asks when the trio has left together. “I bet they are going to have a threesome.”

“Knowing Zach that’s a possibility,” Jessica says.

“Oh,” Alex shrugs, “We are having trouble with some sex stuff. Probably about that.”

“Those guys would be the best people to ask,” Courtney comments, making Sheri and Jessica nod in agreement.

“Hello,” Ryan is offended, “What the fuck you guys. I am the authority on sex around here.”

“Loving steady bedroom sex?” Alex asks.

“Hey I have had sex in bedrooms I will have you know.”

“Motel rooms don’t count, Ryan,” Courtney answers, making Ryan chuck his empty juice box at her. He misses.

\----------

“Yes?” The pained smile on Clay’s face would look worrisome, if Justin didn’t know for sure he has the same expression on his own face. “Problem?”

“Yes,” Zach drops his bag on the bench. “So Alex and I do stuff.”

Justin looks ready to run again. He knows for sure if he did, Clay will chase him, catch up with him and hit him.

“But I want it to feel better,” Zach says innocently. “What do I do?”

“Well,” Clay is about to start a lecture. “Sex is about honest communication.”

“Okay,” Zach nods understandingly. “So how do you guys communicate?”

“I tell girls that I am going to play with their vaginas,” Justin adds helpfully. Clay shoots him a blank look. Zach squints.

“How do you communicate with each other?” Zach wonders aloud. “I want what you guys have.”

“What do we have?” Clay feels as if his life is flashing before his eyes. Justin and he are discrete. There is no way anyone knows what happened at the hotel. Or their new sleeping arrangements.

“I don’t know but I want it.” Zach crosses his arms decisively. “With Alex.”

“Well,” Justin ignores Clay’s desperate gaze and speaks anyway. “We aren’t into each other.”

“What?” Clay and Zach say together.

“I mean we are.” Justin nods slowly, “But like brothers.”

“Yes,” Clay agrees quickly. “Brothers.”

“Alex and I want to be brothers.” Zach laughs a little.

“Look,” Justin straightens up and the boys in his company straighten up in response. They wait for a sophomore to get in their car and drive off. Otherwise, the parking lot is empty. “What do you want from us? Standall not putting out?”

“We are doing everything we are supposed to.” Zach blushes. “I want it to be special.”

“Special, how?” Clay leans against his vehicle. “How do we factor into that?”

“I want what you guys have.” Zach shrugs. “I want a commitment.”

“We are legally brothers.” Justin reminds Zach. “You get that your old-fashioned mother would never adopt Standall nor will his parents surrender custody?”

“Alex and I have been hanging out longer than you.” Zach looks annoyed with Justin for that comment. “I have been helping with his recovery.”

“With your penis,” Justin adds.

“Justin.” Clay looks ready to kick his brother.

“And,” Zach let’s out a growl. The boys in his company take a step back. “How did you guys get this close? It’s not fair.”

“Hannah’s trial factored into that a lot.” Clay states, half-guesses. “Justin lives with me.”

“Look,” Justin starts again, and ignore the warning glares directed at him, “Neither you are Alex are as pathetic as me. Be thankful for that. Why would you want that at all?”

Pathetic is a small word for how far Justin has fallen. He doesn’t even recognize the freak in the mirror sometimes. A loser with no future.

“You are not pathetic.” Clay is quick to jump to Justin’s defense, god bless him.

“See that,” Zach points to Clay’s face which is solemn and sad and melancholy and a whole bunch of other SAT words. “I want that.”

“You want depression?” Clay asks tersely. “You guys are happy. Why change that?”

“We aren’t happy, we just don’t talk.” Zach gestures, flapping like a fish out of water.

“Well, neither do we.” Justin shrugs. When was the last time Clay and he talked? About anything substantial? They just hang out, a lot.

“We don’t?” Clay is staring at Justin with that gaze again and Justin feels dissected like that frog in biology.

“Okay, I thought this would be helpful,” Zach shoulders his bag. “I don’t know why I thought that.”

“I don’t either.” Justin can tell Zach thinks something is going on here, which isn’t.

“Justy,” Bryce’s voice snaps them out of their conversation. “Over here.”

“Jesus fuck.” Zach looks ready to swing his bag around and throw it at Bryce.

“Zachary,” Bryce nods at his ex-friend. “Can I borrow Justin for a second.”

“Ask Clay.” Zach isn’t going anywhere, despite the bell, which just rang.

“I need your permission now?” Bryce turns to Clay and rolls his eyes, “Can I borrow your brother for a second?”

“No,” Clay crosses his arms. “You may not.”

“Are you his bitch now?” Bryce baits Justin. “Come on, Justy, throw me a fucking bone.”

“You are not allowed on school grounds anymore.” Clay reminds Bryce.

“Your mom’s the lawyer, not you.” Bryce reminds Clay. “I parked down the street and I’m here for Chloe.”

“How’s’ that going by the way?” Zach asks, barely containing his curiosity.

“We are doing great, thanks.” Bryce smirks, “We think it’s a girl. We’re naming her Hannah.”

“Fuck off,” Clay shakes his head, his expression of pure disgust. “Fuck the fuck off.”

“Strong language, counselor.” Bryce starts to walk, nodding at Justin to follow.

“Five minutes,” Justin tells Clay.

“I will take four, Jesus. Look at you all domesticated, never thought I would see the fucking day.” They are at the other end of the parking lot. The weather is unpredictable as ever but today’s a nice day. Justin wonders if the light wind is why he feels so cold all of a sudden. “How are you?”

“What do you want?” Justin asks Bryce, mirroring Clay’s defensive posture subconsciously.

“They treating you right?” Bryce raises an eyebrow when Clay and Zach try to hear but they are too far.

“I’m okay. Not that it’s your business.” Justin shrugs, “What do you want?”

“I want my best friend back.” Bryce scoffs. “Jesus, Justin this has gone on too fucking long, how long are you planning to pout? The Jensens get their do-over baby, what do you get out of this?”

“Nothing.” Justin moves his shoulders, “Just moving on from you.”

“New clothes?” Bryce moves his head uncomprehendingly, “Car? I will get you your own bank account, okay?”

“Are the boys at your new school not loyal or what?”

“Are you loyal?”

“No,” Justin reminds Bryce, “Apparently not.”

“Justin,” Bryce looks very much exhausted all of a sudden. “Let’s start over. You were supposed to have my back.”

“Bryce,” Justin can feel Clay and Zach’s eyes on him. “Fuck off.”

“I would give you anything.” Bryce informs Justin, “No strings attached. No fag shit. Just brothers for life.”

“Brothers don’t rape their brother’s girlfriend.”

“That shit again?” Bryce scoffs, “Let go already.”

“I am trying,” Justin starts to turn around. He can see Monty and Chloe from the corner of his eye. “Call that dog off will you? He really hurt that photography kid.”

“That bitch is not my problem anymore,” Bryce says as he flashes Chloe a charming grin. “He’s yours.” He leans over and hugs Justin with one arm. “Gesture of goodwill?”

“What the fuck?” Justin says as Zach and Clay start to move closer.

“Relax, there’s more where this came from?” Bryce chuckles as he presses a baggie in Justin’s pocket, patting his chest, where his heart is. “I heard you switched teams. What happened to my wingman? Hard to lure girls in without your pretty face.”

“Fuck you,” Justin gasps. He’s not completely over his addiction but physical distance helps. This close…

“You’re not my type, and I hear I’m not yours.” Bryce winks at Clay over Justin’s shoulder. “When he’s done fucking you he will drop you, just like that dead girl.”

“You don’t know shit.” Justin hates the look on his face right now. He must seem so pathetic.

“Boys like that Jensen experiment and go right back to their lives,” Bryce promises. “Don’t be his next phase, Justin.”

“Try not to rape anyone on your way home,” Zach comments when he’s within hearing distance. He pulls Justin away from Bryce toward Clay.

Bryce holds an arm out, Chloe willingly stepping into his embrace, Monty by his side.

“Are you okay?” Clay asks Justin who seems frozen.

Justin can’t even find it in him to nod.

“When you come to your senses I will be waiting,” Bryce doesn’t even acknowledge Monty’s presence, just starts walking away with Chloe. “See you, boys.”

“I hope you are happy,” Monty’s jaw shifts ominously. “All of you faggots will pay.” That said, he storms back inside the school, visibly shaken by Bryce’s continuous rejection.

“What happened?” Clay whispers, “Justin, what did he say?”

“You wanna go somewhere and fuck?”

“What?” Clay barely has time to articulate before he is pushed back against a wall and Justin is all up on him. “Fuck.”

“Yeah,” Justin whispers in Clay’s ear. “Let’s go somewhere and fuck.”

“Justin,” Clay moans because this is starting to be a repeat performance for them. “Justin we are in a parking lot.”

“And?” Justin sucks kisses on Clay’s throat and presses a foot between Clay’s so that his legs are spread. “Is that a problem?”

“That is very much a problem.” Clay gasps when Justin thrusts between his spread legs in an imitation of fucking. “Someone will see us.”

“Let them.” Justin will put on a good show.

“No, let’s not?” Clay manages to say. He is thinking about his parents again and that just racks up the guilt in his already guilty mind. “Let’s go somewhere.”

“Mhmm.” Justin bites Clay’s ear. “Let’s.”

“We need something.” Clay pushes back against Justin’s shoulders.

“Yeah?” Justin’s pupils are blown. “What do you have in mind? Weed?” He is too afraid to check his pockets for whatever Bryce placed in there. He is, however, down for something tamer he can share with his vanilla counterpart.

“Condoms,” Clay says after a moment’s worth of resentful disappointment. “And.” His face is red but it gets redder. “Other stuff.”

Justin knows the theory and what goes where. It’s the application experience he is sorely lacking. “Why do you have to ruin everything by thinking?”

“Sorry?” Clay replies before Justin is on him again. “Fuck, Justin.”

“Yes.” Justin is kissing Clay’s face now. “Lots of fucking.” He has no idea how this is going to work but he is going to do it. If a phase is what Jensen wants then Justin is going to prolong that phase because anything is better than going back to Bryce and homelessness is only marginally better.

A throat clears and Clay is trying to push him back but Justin keeps at it. “I need you to make me feel something,” Justin says and Clay pauses, trying to control himself but there are two bulges between them now. “Please?”

“Boys?” Tony’s voice calls out. “This is a parking lot and I think Dempsey needs a hospital.”

Justin and Clay notice that Zach is still here and gaping at the display. “Pervert, what are you doing watching us like that?”

“In his defense,” Tony looks amused and something else Clay can’t quite tell, “You are in a public space and can get arrested.”

“I,” Zach gets up from where he is leaning against a car, “I gotta go.” He keeps his backpack in front of his crotch the entire time.

“Loser.”

“Do you even go to school anymore, Tony?” Clay is still red-faced and avoiding everyone’s gaze.

“Do you?” Tony asks probingly.

“Barely.” Clay laughs a little. “What’s up Tony?”

“Tyler.”

“Fuck.”

“We are actually busy.” Justin steps close to Clay again, his breathing is erratic. “Come back again?”

“I can see that you are busy.” Tony lowers his gaze and nods at their crotches, “We have a situation.” That said, he walks to his car.

“Shame on you,” Justin calls after him. “I thought us homos were supposed to stick together.”

“Justin, please.” Clay is clearly trying to calm himself. “Jesus.”

“You owe me.” Justin knows Tony is watching them, good. “You won’t be walking straight for a month when I’m done with you.”

It’s a good line and it works on girls just fine but Clay looks ready to hyperventilate. Justin smirks at Tony who quickly looks away.

 

 

 

 

 

 


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone, thank you for the positive response. As usual, if you have anything on your mind or if you have a comment feel free to speak your mind.

“Hi,” Cyrus greets them nervously. “Hey, guys.”

“Hi,” Clay remembers Cyrus from the dance. Completely different from the confident, fun guy from before. He is a wreck.

“Let’s just go,” Justin whispers in Clay’s ear.

“Why don’t you,” Clay turns around and smiles patiently at Justin who looks drugged but he hasn’t taken anything. His pupils are dilated. “Why don’t you go to the drug store and stock up?”

“We need to talk.” Tony cocks his head to where Justin is reluctantly marching in the direction of the Walplex.

“I know,” Clay sighs, “I know Tony, I am so sorry. I have been busy.” His erection is not so obvious anymore but damn it, his face feels flushed. He feels like not himself. He doesn’t know if that’s a good thing or bad.

“That’s your brother.” Tony nods to where Justin is glaring at them as he walks backward.

“I know,” Clay takes a deep breath. “I am so sorry.”

“Dude,” Cyrus whistles at Clay, “Nice.”

“What?” Clay frowns, “What’s nice?”

“He mauled your neck.”

Clay leans in front of Tony’s side-view mirror and gasps. “Jesus. My parents.”

“Tyler?” Cyrus reminds them. “He won’t like that at all.”

Clay quickly pulls out his phone, “Hey,” He blushes even more when Justin clearly says something vulgar on the other end. “Pick up some cover-up or something?” He pauses and makes a face. “I don’t know, just get some makeup that can cover up the hickey you just left on my neck.” He whispers the second part but everyone hears it.

“We are waiting for Tyler’s parents,” Tony says when Clay hangs up.

“Jesus, what happened?” Clay looks at Tyler’s door curiously. “Is he okay?”

“He won’t eat or sleep.” Tony pauses to think, “He wants you.”

“Okay,” Clay starts to make his way to the room.

“No, dude,” Cyrus says uncomfortably. “Like all weird and shit.”

“Uh,” Clay sighs, “He’s confused. He needs meds and a place to stay.”

“Clay,” Tony nods to the side. Signal that he wants to talk alone. “He’s fixated on you.”

“He’s sick.” Clay refuses to let anyone make this weird. “You can’t make this anything more than it is.”

“Whatever it is you need to say, say it,” Tony says to Cyrus and then gets in the driver’s seat of his car.

“Where are you going?” Clay wonders as Tony starts to back out of his driveway.

“I’m going to say what I need to say,” Tony responds and starts to turn in the Walplex’s direction.

“Clay,” Cyrus looks down, shuffling his feet. “I feel like I have a hand to play in this.”

“You think,” Clay says, still staring after Tony’s car.

“I should have known better but this can’t be all on me,” Cyrus says guiltily. “Please, Clay. Help me help him. I need to make this right.”

“We need to start taking responsibility here.” Clay turns to Cyrus whose expression is crumbling. “Be a man and own your shit.”

“So,” Cyrus breathes deeply, his eyes widening a little as he notices the Downs driving up. “I’m the reason our school almost got shot up?”

“We created that monster in there.” Clay points at Tyler’s room. “We do bad things to each other.”

“Hi,” Mrs. Down stares at Clay as she gets out of the car. “You must be Clay.”

“I must be.” Clay holds out a hand.

“What happened to our son?” Tyler’s father can’t help his accusing tone, and judging from his wife and Cyrus’ expression, they are used to this attitude.

“Tyler had a bad year.” Clay lets Mrs. Down’s hand drop limply. “And I didn’t notice. He needs help.”

“Is he suicidal like that Hannah girl?” Mrs. Down crosses her arms. “Is it a mental disorder. We are completely in the dark here, Clay.”

“Mrs. Down,” Clay shakes his head once, “I don’t know what Tyler’s deal is but I promise we will figure it out.”

“I bet you had something to do with it.” Mr. Down holds a finger up to Clay’s chest. “And if I find out you did you will pay, kid. I know you were on those tapes. I know you loved that girl.”

“I do.” Clay holds up a hand when Cyrus tries to protest. “But she is gone.” He has no idea if he means it or if he’s saying it for Tyler’s benefit. “Tyler’s still here. We have to get help for him.”

“Oh god,” Tyler’s mother turns to his father and her expression is one of absolute agony. “Oh god, it was a suicide attempt, I was right. Oh god.”

“Clay stopped it.” Cyrus interrupts.

“What do we do now?” Tyler’s father says numbly. “How do we fix this?”

“We have to help him,” Clay says. He is ignored.

“I am so tired.” Tyler’s father presses a hand to his forehead. “We will never get that kid functioning.”

“Can I see him?” Mrs. Down asks, trying to wipe her tears on her sleeve. “Is he okay?”

“I don’t think that’s a good idea.” Cyrus looks even more uncomfortable all of a sudden.

“I am so fucking done right now,” Mr. Down rests against their car and crosses his arms in a mirror image of his wife.

“I don’t care.” Mrs. Down sniffles. “Take me inside.” She turns to Clay. “Please?”

“Yes,” Clay nods. “Of course.”

\----------

“What the fuck,” Justin makes a face at Tony as soon as he notices him, “Did you follow me here?”

“Yes,” Tony raises an eyebrow at the Magnum XXL in Justin’s hand. “I did.”

“Oh come on I could fit in there,” Justin pouts when Tony holds up a more humble sized condom pack.

“No comment,” Tony rolls his eyes at the middle finger. “You know your pecker is not all that.”

“Keeps the ladies happy.” Justin grins winningly. “Keeps Clay happy.” He adds as an afterthought, quietly.

“If you hurt him you are dead,” Tony says it evenly and in a normal tone of voice. “I will run you over with my car. I will beat you to death.”

“Noted.” Justin shakes his head, more amused than anything. “Jesus.”

“I will stab you, I will set you on fire. I will make sure you…”

“Hey,” Justin huffs, “Asshole. He chose me, not you. It’s game over. There’s plenty of other dick out there.”

“Is that what you think this is?” Tony cocks his head to the side. “Some kind of pissing contest?”

“You want him for yourself.” Justin shrugs. Raising an eyebrow when Tony places a giant Costco sized bag of tootsie rolls in his basket. “What the fuck? Your time of the month?”

“Clay loves them,” Tony informs Justin. “Where are you going?”

“I’m done.” Justin heads toward one of the long cash lines. Thanksgiving is coming and people are getting ready for Turkey day.

“Are you?” Tony asks, and then slaps his forehead, “Jesus. You think you are done?”

“Yeah,” Condoms, check. Nasty, disgusting candy that Clay likes and Justin had no idea but Tony did and Justin is not going to think about that right now. Double check.

“Right this way, Romeo,” Tony hands Justin some lubricant which is resting right beside the condoms. “Preparation is everything.”

“You think you are so much better than me because you have had actual gay sex.” Justin sneers at Tony. “I will have you know, Clay goes down on me every fucking day.”

“No, he doesn’t.” Tony laughs a little at that, his eyes crinkling a little. “He’s too vanilla for that shit.”

“Well,” Justin is actually angry now. “I am going to corrupt him. I am going to dirty him up.”

“That is what I am afraid of.” Tony takes the fancy lube Justin just picked out and puts it back on the shelf. “Stick to the basics. Trust me.”

“Fuck you.”

“I am not into broken,” Tony scoffs, “Clay is. Big time. It worries me.”

“What are you, his guardian angel?”

“You betcha.” Tony takes a physical step back. “We are going to be seeing a lot of each other.”

“Not into threesomes.”

Tony looks like he is going to retort but closes his mouth. He tries again. “Justin, you need help. You need rehab.”

“Clay said I can’t go.” Justin looks at his elbow, where the sweater is hiding principal tracks. “He wants to keep me here.”

“Clay Jensen isn’t always the best judge of character, believe me.” Tony follows Justin’s eyes and sighs, “You need to get clean. Have you been tested? You better not have any sexual infections.”

“Jesus,” Justin makes a disgusted face. “I would never touch Jess if I had that shit.”

“Am I supposed to know what that means?” Tony asks. “Or what happened between you and Jessica? Why are you with her when you and Clay are getting serious.”

“Jess and I tried again.” Justin shifts from foot to foot, feeling as if he’s been interrogated. Considering he has actually been officially interrogated by the authorities, he knows the feeling. “It didn’t work out.”

“So you start with your brother?” Tony doesn’t ease up. “What the fuck?”

“It’s complicated, Tony.”

“Tony,” Mr. Baker’s voice startles them. “I see you are doing well,” The pharmacist eyes the contents of Justin’s basket. “You gentlemen need any help?”

“Mr. Baker,” Justin straightens up, feeling embarrassed. “How are you?”

“Justin.” Andy nods at the young man. Now that the tapes are out and everyone knows everything about everyone, Justin feels bare naked. All the time.

“How are you?” Tony holds a firm hand out which is accepted.

“Okay. Every day is different.” Andy says, “How is Clay?”

Tony scoffs. “Every day is different.”

“He is still having nightmares?” Andy asks, raising an eyebrow when Justin hides his shopping basket behind his body, “He can come talk to me. I have some natural herbal remedies I can talk to him about.”

“He’s dealing with them better,” Tony looks at Justin from the corner of his eye. “He has people.”

“Good.” Andy nods again, visibly relieved. “You know emotional problems can go far, Tony. Make sure he has someone to talk to.”

“He does,” Justin almost drops the basket. “What nightmares?”

“Uh,” Andy smiles tightly. The smile doesn’t reach his eyes. It is an eerie mimicry of Clay’s. “My break is almost over.” He pauses before turning around. “Justin, if you need help I can refer you to some of my friends.”

“He needs rehab.” Tony quickly responds.

“Uh,” Andy makes an understanding sound. “I know of some places. Job hazard.”

Tony lets out an obligatory laugh.

“I will keep you posted,” Andy promises. “Stay safe, boys.” He gives the basket one last look, not judgmental, and makes his way toward the pharmacy.

“Nightmares?” Justin feels the urge to smack Tony. “What fucking nightmares.”

“He has been struggling with his sleep,” Tony says, the hesitation clear. “He hasn’t told you?” He is clearly surprised.

“No!” Justin is taken aback, along with Tony, at how strong his voice is. “No, he has not fucking told me.” Considering he woke up in Clay’s arms this morning, he feels even more offended. “Why do you know and I don’t?”

“He dreamed about Hannah.” Tony holds out a placating hand. “And Skye. You.”

“Me?” Justin makes a face.

“He dreams about killing himself,” Tony adds tonelessly. “That’s all he’s told me.”

“That’s _all_ he’s told you?” Justin throws his hands up. Very aware that he’s dropped his basket.

“Boys?” A Walplex employee, a senior judging by her age and confidence, approaches them with a phony smile. “Can I help you?”

“Yes,” Justin turns around and mirrors her smile. “Can you explain why I’m always going down on him and he never returns the favor?” He points at Tony accusingly who looks so tired all of a sudden Justin would feel bad for him. If he wasn’t furious at Tony and Clay and everything in general.

“I…” The woman looks confused at first, “Going down. Oh god,” Her eyes widen in realization. “I am going to get security.”

“I hope you are happy.” Tony starts to move toward the cashier. “Fucking hell.”

Justin makes his way toward the front doors. “Fuck you, Tony.”

“You didn’t pay for that shit and we are both on probation.” Tony follows Justin and regrets his entire life as he does.


	8. Chapter 8

“You have got to be fucking kidding me.” Jessica comes home from school and finds Chloe sitting at her dinner table. “You let this rabid bitch in here?”

“Language,” Jessica’s mother says in a tone which states that she agrees with Jessica. “Coffee?”

“I can’t,” Chloe says simply.

“Right,” Jessica smiles slowly. “The rapist’s baby in there. Won’t want it to get caffeinated.”

“Jesus, will you please give me a second?” Chloe sighs, “Please.”

“Yes?” Jessica feels the urge to just walk away. “What is it? How is the rapist?”

“Bryce is… Bryce. I love him.”

“Wonderful.” Jessica feels, suddenly feeling very drained. “Good luck to both of you.”

“I feel so alone.” Chloe looks down at the table angelically. “I am alone, Jessica.”

“We are all alone, technically.” Jessica seats herself adjacent to the blond and stares blankly. “You’ve got the rapist and his fetus.”

“Can you not call him that?” Chloe snaps.

“He raped me.” Jessica reminds Chloe. “What’s that,” She grabs Chloe’s wrist, and notices the bruise which is hidden under a full-sleeved sweater. “How did you get that?”

“He gets rough,” Chloe confesses.

“I bet he does.” Jessica agrees. “Does he ever ask permission before he has sex with you?”

Chloe appears to be thinking, as if she will give in, there is a moment of humanity on her porcelain face. The moment passes and she is back to her usual self. “That’s between us. He gave me a promise ring.” She flashes a pricey ring, which looks so expensive.

“Beautiful. Amethyst?” Jessica blinks at the bling on Chloe’s finger.

“Garnet.” Chloe corrects Jessica.

“I wish you,” Jessica says as she gets up, her mother standing at the entrance of their kitchen with a matching expression of disgust on her face. “A lifetime of happiness.”

“You are just jealous.” Chloe retorts and grabs her purse. “I came here to talk some sense into you.”

“This is your business.” Jessica gestures to Chloe’s stomach. “Handle it.” She says and storms off upstairs.

\----------

“Tyler agreed.” Clay looks extremely relieved. “He’s going to see a psychiatrist.”

“He’s going to get medicated?” Justin wonders.

“And therapy,” Clay looks through the Walplex stuff, “How did you know?” He visibly brightens at the sight of tootsie rolls.

“I saw you eating them,” Justin replies, annoyed that Tony was right.

“Oh,” Clay frowns a little, surprised, “That’s awfully observant of you.”

“Are you saying I’m not observant?” Justin says, his tone a little snippy.

Clay obviously takes notice. “What the hell? Did something happen at Walplex?”

“Why?” Justin raises an eyebrow when Clay unknowingly grabs the tube of KY and then drops it as if his hand was burned. “Was something supposed to happen at Walplex? Jesus, Jensen, it's just lube.”

“Jensen,” Clay seems visibly hurt at the impersonal use of his surname. “Today is a win for me.” He takes a deep breath and then tries again. “What happened at Walplex?”

“I can’t compete with pretty dead perfect Hannah.” Justin declares, not caring if Clay is hurt, which he is, even more so now at Hannah’s name. “I don’t even fucking know Skye. I think it was that chick with the hair.”

“Yes,” Clay nods, “She had hair. I need you to think about what you are going to say, Justin. Very carefully.”

“Fucking Tony?” Justin knows he’s starting a fight for no reason. That things are going good for him and Clay for once and he needs to fucking can it. “Seriously.”

“I…” Clay lets out a startled laugh. “Why am I not surprised?”

“Why does he know you have nightmares and I don’t?” Justin throws up his hands.

“I didn’t feel like telling you,” Clay says, more subdued.

“But Tony gets an hourly update on your life?”

“No, he doesn’t I haven’t spoken to him all weekend!” Clay exclaims. “Why are you doing this?”

“He doesn’t know about us?” Justin narrows his eyes. “Am I your dirty little secret?”

“Justin.” Clay is taken aback. “There is nothing to hide. We haven’t done anything yet.”

“Why not?” Justin challenges, gesturing to his Walplex crime spree. “Afraid Tony won’t like it?”

“The other day,” Clay shudders just thinking about it, “When you said I’m like Bryce, what did you mean?”

“Jesus that again?” Justin stands up and corners Clay, really enjoying being bigger than the other boy. He’s always taller than all his girlfriends but being bigger than Clay is just so important to him. It’s a heady rush really.

“You think I like being compared to that rapist?” Clay lowers his eyes, not know what his lowered lashes do to Justin. “I hate him.”

“I hate him.” Justin grabs Clay’s wrists, pressing him up against a wall.

“You said you loved him.”

“That too.” Justin murmurs. “It’s complicated.”

“I’m not allowed to be friends with Tony, who is an all around great person, and you love Bryce?”

“Do you what it’s like to be unwanted?” Justin asks Clay and when the slighter boy starts to talk, “No, really unwanted, like you could be erased and no one would ever know the difference. Being unnecessary trash to your mother, your friends. Anyone?”

“I don’t know that.” Clay acquiesces. He has seen the state of Justin’s life very closely, his apartment, the lack of any family, his addiction. He can’t imagine any of it.

“Now imagine a person who has it all. Everything you could ever want, and he wants to share it with you,” Justin speaks in Clay’s ear, “Money, family dinners, clothes, electronics, drinks, drugs. You name it he would give it to you.”

“Justin,” Clay sobs. “Stop it.” Sounds like there is no difference between him and Bryce. If anything Clay is worse. He is taking more from Justin in return and offering him less.

“That’s what I thought,” Justin presses their bodies together. “Hard to see straight when you haven’t experienced it firsthand, isn’t it?”

“Justin I…” Clay frowns when he manages to free his left hand and wraps it around the taller boy’s waist and feels a crinkle, “What?” He reaches into Justin’s pocket and pulls out a bag.

“I need you to trust me,” Justin says when Clay quietly pushes him away. “I have been very good these past few weeks, okay, nothing but Oxy. I need you to understand.”

“This isn’t right.” Clay stares at the heroin, depressed at himself for recognizing the contents so well.

“Clay.” Justin pleads. “Let me explain.”

“You don’t owe me anything.” Clay feels it needs to be said. “For all this. This is your home. I just come with it.”

“You are my home.” Justin wouldn’t have any of this if not for Clay. It’s Clay’s house, his parents, his life. Justin’s just intruding.

Clay knows an addict will say anything. “Stop it.” Why does every kind word from Justin feel like a declaration of undying love?

“Look at me,” Justin orders Clay. “Do I look high to you?”

“I can’t be another Bryce in your life.” Clay stares in clear blue eyes. “Maybe we need to take a step back before we make a mistake.”

“We do?” Justin feels as if someone’s punched him in his chest. Considering he’s had that happen to him a few times he knows the feeling.

“Yes,” Clay blinks rapidly. It’s starting to feel like a repeat of Bryce and Justin but with sexual favours and Clay won’t have that. “I think I need to stop.”

“Stop what,” Justin states, feeling like the room is spinning.

“Standing in your way?” Clay blinks again. His eyes are wet. “You need rehab.”

Watching Tyler and his parents make the right decision together, as a unit. Clay cannot stop Justin from getting the help he needs.

“It’s what your boyfriend Tony said.” Justin feels so empty all of a sudden. It’s a familiar, safe, comfortable feeling. It got him through Oakland, Juvie, god knows those days Jessica won’t speak to him.

“He’s not my boyfriend.” Clay promises. “When the world fell down he was there.”

 _Is that what’s happening?_ Justin wonders. _The world is falling down?_

“I have a bad track record with feelings.” Clay sniffles, offering an explanation.

“Jesus, I know.” Justin isn’t even mad. He feels nothing. It’s okay. Wouldn’t be the first time someone’s walked away from him. He should be used to this. He has no idea why he thought it would be different. “Hannah, Skye.”

“Sheri,” Clay bows his head in defeat. “Jeff.”

“Right,” Justin remembers, a lifetime ago, Clay and Jeff. He remembers that odd friendship, like a lion and a duck making associates or something.

“If I fuck this up I hurt someone I have to spend Thanksgiving with.” Clay states. “Do you know how terrible it can get?”

“Yes,” Justin knows how terrible life can get. He’s seen the worst of it. “I know, Clay.”

“I don’t want to hurt you.”

“I get it.” Justin thinks out loud. “Fucking your brother and all that.”

Considering Tyler is a stranger he hurt and Justin is someone he can’t afford to hurt, Clay needs to be objective. “Right.”

Isn’t life all about parallels?

 


	9. Chapter 9

“So,” Jessica grins uncertainly when Alex ignores her for the third time in a row. “Good night?”

“Terrible terrible night,” Alex complains.

“Everything okay?”

“Zach tried some weird shit last night,” Alex informs Jessica matter-of-factly. “After he talked to Justin and Clay.”

“Huh,” Jessica feels a distant pang at the boy she loved giving love advice to another boy she loved. What a lost feeling. “What?”

“So,” Alex looks alive all of a sudden. “Zach asked them for advice, and they deny even being involved.”

“Seriously?” Jessica rolls her eyes. Everyone knows Clay and Justin are a thing. A series of events happened and white trash ended up with the suburban prince. It’s sweet.

“And then,” Alex ignores Jessica’s incredulous expression, “Bryce showed up.”

“Tell me Zach called your father.” Jessica is keen to see Bryce spend at least one night in lockup. “He is not allowed near the school.”

“He has words with Justin.” Alex pays Jessica no mind. “Then it happens.”

“What happens?” Jessica asks, annoyed. “Are you not hearing me? He could be arrested for being near Liberty High.” She says slowly. “Zach missed his chance.”

“He was there for Chloe,” Alex tsks, “No dice.”

“There is simply no consequences for anything he does.” Jessica’s is hurt although she tries her best to hide it.

“He will have a record for the rest of his life.” Alex offers.

“Do you really see it stopping him from anything?” Jessica asks Alex. “His father has connections which can make his past disappear.”

“He will just rape someone else,” Alex says monotonously. “He can’t help it.”

“Is that supposed to make me feel better?” Jessica gasps. “Alex?”

“Jessica nothing will fix what happened,” Alex replies honestly. “Unless we kill Bryce.”

“No,” Jessica shakes her head without meaning it. “I don’t want that.”

“Right.” Alex nods slowly, “Anyway, Zach comes over and gets all aggressive, cavemanly. Trying all this new shit we have never done before. I put a stop to it.”

“Woah.” Jessica sits up straight, at attention from where she was hunched over against the side of Alex’s bed. “You can’t just lay something on me like that.”

“That’s what I said,” Alex’s tone never changes. “I asked him where that came from and apparently Justin and Clay put on quite a show for him.”

“I…” It’s hard to render Jess speechless but apparently, Alex has gone and done it.

“I made him sleep on the floor for even trying something like that.”

“Wait,” Jess is surprised. “Why? It was just getting good.”

“It’s not us.” Alex is affronted. “We are normal.”

“You are not normal,” Jessica says after no one has said anything for a good ten minutes. “Alex, why would you ever say that?”

“Compared to Justin and Clay?” Alex tries to look up an answer on Google but sighs when it’s nowhere to be found.

“Do you think you are better than them or something?” Jessica doesn’t stop Alex from taking her notebook.

“I think…” Alex sighs in defeat when Jessica’s homework is no better than his. “I think we are all fucked up. We all have a chance to move past this.”

“And by moving past this you mean…” Jessica doesn’t mean to sound so confrontational.

“Why are you so mad?” Alex asks when Jessica grabs her notebook back and starts to leave.

“I love Justin.” Jessica can’t help but say it. She can’t even help the embarrassment she feels when it slips out. “I won’t have you looking down on him.”

“Jesus.” Alex rolls his eyes and grabs Jessica’s arm. “Sit the fuck down. Come on. Let’s talk.”

“I love him,” Jessica hates herself for tearing up a little, “And you can’t just talk about him like this.”

“I didn’t,” Alex explains, stroking Jessica’s hair. “Do you want him back or something? Is this about the night of the dance?”

“No. I don’t want him back. I just don’t want you to hurt him.”

“I don’t want to hurt him,” Alex says slowly. “I just don’t want to turn into him. He’s kind of fucked up.”

“Yeah,” Jess nods laughing suddenly. “It’s kind of why we can’t be together. I don’t need that right now.”

“Tell me about it.” Alex helps Jessica sit down, “I don’t need Zach thinking the solution to our problems is imitating the most fucked up people we know.”

“Clay isn’t bad,” Jessica whispers, grabbing Alex’s computer and fruitlessly trying the same search again.

“Clay is a good caretaker,” Alex admits, staring at their textbook blankly, “Justin needs that shit. We don’t need that shit.”

“What do you need?” Jessica wonders. “I thought you guys were good.”

“I’m the problem,” Alex admits. “Not Zach. It’s not his fault.”

\----------

“Everything okay?” Lainie asks the men in her company. Matt tends to zone out during dinner but this graveyard silence is weird for two teenagers. “Look,” She sighs. “I know the room assignment seems unfair.”

“Lainie,” Matt makes a warning sound.

“You can’t share a room forever.” Lainie has a tendency to blurt when she hasn’t prepared a statement. Outside of her job she is not that good at talking.

“We get it,” Justin nods slowly.

“It’s a fair decision.” Clay agrees.

“Have I have murdered your puppies?” Lainie raises her voice when she gets no other reaction from the young men in her company. “Boys, please. Stop making me feel like crap.”

“You are both excused,” Matt says kindly when his sons stare at Lainie with confused, blank looks. “Have a good night. I will see you for breakfast.”

“Thanks,” Justin mumbles and basically runs upstairs.

“Smooth,” Clay smiles painfully at his mother before departing as well.

“I would have to agree,” Matt raises a spoon. “Smooth, dear.”

“What do I do?” Lainie feels the urge to grab her hair. “I just can’t win with those two.”

“Two teenagers?” Matt chuckles. “There is no winning here.”

“Eat your salad, Matt.”

\----------

“Good night,” Clay leans in the doorway of Justin’s room.

Justin stands in front of his bed. “Sweet dreams.”

“Okay,” Clay starts to enter and then thinks better of it. “That was a low blow.”

“Clay,” Justin removes his hoodie to reveal a shockingly thin figure. Despite the regular nourishment, he still appears waif thin. “Fuck off.”

“Sorry for wanting a better life for you.” Clay steps back and starts to walk away.

“Oh you made that decision did you?” Justin places a hand on his hip, “What else have you decided, _Lainie_?”

“I have decided that we are going to move on from everything.” Clay bites his lower lip so hard he is surprised he doesn’t hit blood. He ignores Justin’s gaze on said lower lip. “We are going to be a normal family. I am going to pretend I grew up with you.”

“And that will work for you?”

“It has to,” Clay shuffles his feet uselessly, “It will.”

“Then I wish you the best of luck, Jensen.” Justin raises a hand and Clay is surprised he hasn’t been flipped a bird yet. “Good luck with all your denial. I wish I was as good at lying to myself as you.”

“Give it some practice.” Clay’s smile is small, “You will get there.”

“Uh huh,” Justin doesn’t smile back. His expression is carefully blank. “Will you at least drive me to school tomorrow or are you afraid I will molest you in your car or something.”

“See you tomorrow.” Clay rolls his eyes and finally brings himself to walk away.

“Whatever,” Justin shrugs once, a jerk of his shoulder. Clay’s steps feel heavier.

\----------

“What are you doing here?” Bryce makes a confused face at Monty. “Lost?” His tone isn’t unfriendly.

“What do I have to do?” Monty enters Bryce’s house without being invited in. “Seriously, Brycie, tell me what I have to do to be let back in.”

“Dude,” Bryce looks back to where his mother and Chloe are giving them curious looks. “What the fuck?” He whispers. “We just finished dinner.”

“Bryce,” Chloe starts, “You two okay?”

“Go upstairs,” Bryce orders and she meekly obeys.

“That’s serious.” Monty jokes.

“I knocked her up and I am stuck with her.” Bryce sighs, “I made no such mistake with you. Why do you keep coming back here? Have some fucking self-respect, man.”

“You are all I have.” Monty looks to be ashamed to be admitting this. “You came looking for Justin that other day. Why not me?”

“I grew up with him.”

“He betrayed you.” Monty snaps and the loudness of his tone echoes across the house.

Bryce’s mother joins them. “Young man,” She starts. “Do you know what time it is?”

“It’s fine.” Bryce smiles charmingly. “I needed some help with Math.”

The disgusted look he receives from his mother before she walks back toward their kitchen is a testament to how tense things are.

“Bryce. I can be better than Justin. I can do anything he can, but I can be better.”

“You take it too far.” Bryce reminds Monty who bows his head. “You make everything weird and intense and I’m not about that. Justin knows when to stop.”

“He turned on you.”

“That’s between us.” Bryce reminds Monty. “He’s mine and he knows it. He will sulk and he will be back. I own him.”

“You own me.” Monty gasps when Bryce pushes him back toward the front door.

“I am not looking to be a father to two bastards.” Bryce responds dejectedly, “For fuck’s sake, Monty give me a break. Leave me alone.”

“How can you be so cold?”

“I don’t know what song that is,” Bryce pulls out his wallet and throws all his bills at Monty. “Stop singing it and fuck off. Grow a pair.”

“What have you gotten yourself into now?” Nora asks Bryce after he slams the door shut behind him. She peeks out the window. Monty is still standing outside, staring at the closed door as if he has been shot.

“He won’t leave me alone.”

“Police?” Nora asks as Bryce starts to make his way upstairs.

“Don’t do that, mom,” Bryce shakes his head. “He’s harmless. Mostly.” He grins as Nora gives the window another worried glance. “Definitely turn the security system on.”

“Where do you find these freaks?”

\----------

_“Hannah.” Clay greets his partner._

_“I can love you and still let you go,” Hannah says and Clay blinks because that can’t be right._

_“It’s a dance,” Hannah shrugs and Clay is compelled to agree. “Go get her.”_

_“No,” Clay starts to say when he feels wetness on his suit._

_“Why not just say you want Lord of the Rings on repeat?” Hannah questions as Clay grabs her bloody wrists and starts to desperately put pressure on them. “I see the future, you know that.”_

_“Just shut up.” Clay begs Hannah. “Please.”_

_“Fine,” Hannah says making it worse. “I need it to stop.”_

“No,” Clay sits up, drenched in sweat. “No.” He gasps. It’s usually a quiet sound, how he can manage to sleep next to Justin all past week without waking him but tonight he woke himself up.

It was graphic and worse. So much worse than usual because Justin isn’t here and… Clay feels around his bed and looks at the emptiness of his room. “Justin.” He calls out in the vacant coldness. “Justin.” He blinks away the tears and crawls out of bed.

He pads down the hall and at this moment his previous conversations with his ‘brother’ are lost on him. Justin’s presence kept the nightmares at bay and he is looking for… Clay doesn’t know and he doesn’t care. “Justin?” He asks when he can’t find the other boy in his room, just his depressingly bare room. The open window makes him shiver violently. Even summer nights can get so cold.

“What the fuck?” Clay lets out a startled sound. Where the fuck is Justin. He is about to go downstairs and look for his brother when he spots the piece of paper barely concealed by Justin’s pillow.

_I thank the Bakers for everything they have done for me. Please do not come looking for me._

“The Bakers?” Clay frowns. Hannah’s family? Why would Justin…

_This life is not for me and I do not deserve this. Allow me to start over on my own. I appreciate any concern and do not call the cops._

“Fuck,” Clay sniffles, the tears flowing again but not because of his nightmare.

\----------

“It’s Seth,” Clay states as soon as Deputy Standall walks in the door with an assistant who looks ready to run as soon as he crosses eyes with Lainie, who looks ready to kill someone. “Seth took him.”

“We will find him.” Deputy Standall promises. “We know who has him. We will find him.”

“Some meth-head broke into my house and took my kid.” Matt stares into space. “I have officially failed at life.”

“My son shot himself.” Bill’s expression suggests he understands what Matt is feeling. 

“What can we do?” Lainie sniffles. Between her and Clay, they have gone through an entire box of tissues.

“Stay here.” Bill holds up a hand when Lainie starts to protest. “Trust me, please. There is no ransom note. This is personal.”

“So,” Matt rubs his eyes, sleep-deprived and downright scared. “A drug dealer has my teenager and it’s purely revenged based. Thank you for that horrific mental image.”

“He just kidnapped a minor.” Bill holds up both hands, a triumphant smirk on his face, “He’s fucked.”

“I am scared.” Matt states again, “I am scared and you are not helping.”

“What about that mother of his,” Lainie’s tone is so hateful it surprises them all. “Where is she?”

“We are searching for her, ma’am.” The young assistant deputy with Bill stammers when Lainie’s eyes land on him questioningly.

“I want him back,” Lainie throws the empty box of tissues in a random direction. “Damn it, Matt.”

Matt pinches his nose. “I know.”

“You,” Bill points at Clay who leans away from the wall which is keeping him upright. He is afraid to take that nap his mother keeps suggesting he take.

He is not sure he is ready for what kind of nightmare he will have now.

“Explain.” Bill crosses his arms and stares Clay down. Clay now understands why Alex is so scary.

“I woke up,” Clay struggles to swallow his spit. His throat feels so dry it seems he’s got glass in his esophagus.

“You walked by Justin’s room?” Bill cocks an eyebrow.

“I check up on him sometimes.” Clay lies.

“Why?”

“New room, new house, drug addict."

“Continue.”

“He was gone.” Clay struggles to breathe.

“It’s okay.” Lainie is right beside him all of a sudden. “Honey. It’s fine.”

“This is his handwriting?” Bill is holding up a picture of the note.

“He called us the Bakers.” Clay nods, “It’s how I knew it was forced. He wouldn’t just leave like that. He would say goodbye.” _Would he?_ A voice in his head asks him and Clay ignores it.

“Would he?”

“Jesus, Bill.” Lainie snaps. “Find Justin, this is pointless.”

“I don’t know how to ask this question.” Bill turns to the entire family.

“Then do not.” Matt requests firmly.

“Is it possible…” Bill ignores his assistant deputy who is literally backing out of the house under the pretense of making a call. “He snuck out to score some heroin?”

“Are you fucking kidding me?” Clay doesn’t care if it is very much possible and Justin could very much get in trouble for drug possession while he is on probation.

“I understand you are upset, son,” Bill starts to say, remarkably calm. “This was a kid with a certain lifestyle and you all interrupted it with strict rules and I imagine drugs are not part of it.”

“Find him!” Lainie orders and Bill raises both hands.

“I will keep you posted.”

Bill follows his assistant’s example and after his car has pulled out, Lainie turns to the dejected males in her company. “Please tell me he wasn’t right.”

“He wasn’t right.” Matt huffs.

“He wasn’t, mom.” Clay is very aware the devastated expression on Lainie’s face matches his own. “Justin needs our help.”

“Dear god,” Lainie takes a shaky breath. “I feel useless.”

“Coffee,” Matt says sagely. “We need coffee.”

“I think I need a drink,” Lainie admits.

“Uh,” Matt looks at Clay from the corner of his eyes.

“I will leave you guys to it.” Clay holds up a hand when his parents protest. “I should catch some sleep anyway.” He wants to catch Justin’s scent off his pillow before it fades away.

 

 


	10. Chapter 10

Seth’s patience always had a limit. Meth obviously made it worse. Age hasn’t helped.

The scene in the window is beautiful, picture perfect fucking family. A mother and a father, two darling boys. Anyone could be fooled by this. Anyone but Seth, who knows better. He knows Justin, he knows what Justin is made of. He can attest to the drugs in his veins, he can provide witnesses.

The way the ‘parents’ look at Justin, the way his brother looks at him. Seth gets mad enough to skip the plan entirely. He waits until all the lights are off in all the houses and he scales the wall where he thinks Justin’s bedroom is.

It’s a nice big room for a growing boy, Seth thinks bitterly. He looks around and notices Justin’s things pitifully lying by the bedroom door. He hasn’t quite settled in yet.

“Don’t make a sound,” Seth tells Justin when the teenager eventually realizes there’s someone else here. The gun Seth is holding to Justin’s forehead helps. “Unless you want mommy and daddy and brother to really get it.”

“I will get you your money,” Justin whispers, staring at the barrel of a gun with satisfying fear in his eyes.

“Not about the money.” Seth informs Justin, “I do need that back though. Where’s your mom.”

“I don’t know,” Justin gasps when Seth jerks toward a notepad, “Write a note, tell these fuckers you ain’t coming back.”

“I will,” Justin nods readily, “I will do that, just be cool.”

“When am I not cool?” Seth asks, mildly offended.

“Seth,” Justin pleads, “Stop this. Please.”

“Hmm,” Seth eyes the note, “Tell them you don’t deserve this.” He gestures to the note with his gun.

Justin breathes deeply, “Seth, can we please talk about this.”

“No one will ever see you again.” Seth promises Justin, “You hear that? No one.”

“Fucker,” Justin mumbles under his breath and Seth lets it slide.

Seth has time.

\----------

“Eat something.” Tony gestures to the sandwich he’s brought for Clay.

“How’s Tyler.” Clay could vomit everywhere. There is nothing in his stomach to vomit.

“He’s well. Asked about you.” Tony’s smile is small. “I told him everything is good. Don’t want him getting worried.”

“Thanks.” Clay’s lips quirk up in a hollow imitation of a smirk. “I am such a fucking idiot.”

“I am going to smack you.” Tony does, lightly, “Stop it. Justin doesn’t need that shit right now.”

“If I was asleep next to him this never would have happened.”

Tony doesn’t question the implications of that statement. Bless him. “Hindsight is twenty-twenty.” He adds and Clay could kiss him. “That tweaker would have stabbed you or some shit. It’s a good thing you weren’t here.”

“I keep messing up, Tony,” Clay says tonelessly. “Doesn’t matter what I do, what approach I take, what path I go down, I keep losing people. I am starting to take it personally.”

“Clay,” Tony doesn’t bother trying because it will fall on deaf ears right now. “I’m here, and Justin will be back before you know it.”

“You are here.” Clay seems to stare directly at Tony for the first time. “Why are you here? What’s wrong with you?”

“I don’t know.” Tony ignores the misdirected anger in Clay’s eyes. “I have no idea.”

“Leave.” Clay orders and crawls up on Justin’s bed.

“Eat your lunch,” Tony says one last time and stands up off the floor. When he gets downstairs he finds Jessica waiting nervously, pacing.

“How is he?”

“I wouldn’t go up there if I were you.” Tony raises an eyebrow. “You okay?”

“No,” Jessica shakes her head. “No, I am not. He’s coming back to school?”

“Keep collecting his homework.” Tony adjusts the sleeve of his jacket. “You have a ride back home?”

“I should say something.” Jessica looks up, in the direction of Clay and Justin’s rooms.

“He’s bad, you are not so good yourself.” Tony grabs her forearm. “It won’t add up well.”

Jessica nods once, “Fine.”

“Let me take you home,” Tony says gently.

“He can’t do this to me.” Jessica lets Tony lead her out.

“There is a manhunt and it will be successful.” Tony has no idea. It seems like the right thing to say. “They will find him.”

“I feel sick.” Jessica sits on the grass outside, ignoring the stains on her dress.

“Jess,” Tony sighs and lowers himself beside her. “Do you want to drive around looking for him again?”

“He’s gone.” Jess sniffles. It’s obvious she has been crying again, judging from the red of her eyes, “He’s not coming back.”

“Let’s take you home. Sleep it off.” Tony says in what he thinks is a pretty calming tone. “He will be back before you know it.”

“Really?” Jessica looks up from the grass blades. “You mean that.” She knows he doesn’t know but she’s desperate.

“Of course,” Tony promises. “You know it.”

“I should make sure his homework is all organized.” Jessica gets herself standing again, “When he’s back. He’s in trouble with school as it is.”

Justin couldn’t care less about school or anything related to it but whatever gets her through this. “Sure, Jess,” Tony says patiently. “Get those notes together.”

“Yeah. He will need notes.” Jessica says hurriedly. “And prayer if he wants to pass this year.”

“We are all praying.”

\----------

“I don’t want any.” Justin holds up a hand when Seth starts rolling up a second piece of aluminum foil and placing some familiar powder in it.

It’s hard to say no but it’s one thing to indulge in a safe environment and another with Seth of all people.

“More for me.” Seth shrugs.

“Where are we?” Justin looks around and blinks at the view out the window. He’s been in a van all night and has lost all bearings and sense of direction.

“You will like it here.” Seth offers. “More product.”

“Jesus,” Justin’s eyes widen when he reads a street name. “Even you can’t be this stupid.”

“What was that?” Seth looks ready to waive that gun around again. Justin fights the urge to roll his eyes because judging by _how_ stupid Seth is feeling today, Justin might just get shot. “Where is your mother?”

“She’s not in fucking Baltimore.” Justin waves his hands around. “Even she’s not that much of a junkie, you…” At Seth’s threatening look he adds, “You know she doesn’t even like leaving Crestmont. She’s probably holed up in some motel somewhere.”

“She’s hooking again?” Seth starts trying to inhale the vapor and Justin starts trying not to inhale too much of it. “No chasing the dragon today?”

“She doesn’t hook.” Justin ignores the second question.

“Yes she does,” Seth scoffs, groaning when he finally gets a hit. “Mhmm, she’s more obvious about it than you.” He smirks, “You think you are better than that shit don’t you?”

“I will double your money, please let me go home,” Justin begs again.

“Your new family will pay for it?”

“I will pay for it.” Justin feels fear creep up his spine. Is that what this is about? Seth is in trouble with some friends and needs a payday?

“How,” Seth is genuinely curious. “What happened to that rich faggot you always went crawling to? Got tired of you?”

“Yes, he did.” Justin hates Bryce but he won’t drag anyone into this mess. “Yes, he sure did.”

“Everyone gets tired of you?”

“Yes, they do.” Seth is clearly bored as well, playing these silly games.

“You think you are clean?” Seth sits across from Justin now, chuckling when Justin won’t even look at the product between them. “This is heroin town. I will have you back on this shit in no time.”

“What do you want?”

Seth shrugs. “I’m just killing time, man.”

“I am sorry,” Justin doesn’t mean to tear up or show any weakness but he wants to be home with… he wants to be home. He’s tired already, side effects of homelessness are still in his system and he’s not looking to go back again. Judging by the look in Seth’s eyes, Justin is going to end up on the streets very soon. “Whatever I did to piss you off. I’m sorry.”

“Jesus.” Seth shakes his head. “Even I feel bad for you. That stupid fucking family don’t stand a chance. Look at those big blue eyes. The tears. The whining.” He leans forward and rests his head on his hand, the makeshift cigarette dangerously close to his left eye. “How can you pretend so good?”

“What?” Justin asks, exhausted.

“I see you.” Seth’s eyes are the kind of bloodshot which cannot be reversed with good nutrition and sleep. “You are filth. You don’t get to start over.”

“Because I pissed you off that much?” Justin can’t imagine anyone caring that greatly about Justin of all people. Seth doesn’t have enough brain cells to hold that much of a grudge, does he?

“You messed with my business.” Seth reminds Justin, “Your mother took off with my money.”

“I told you…”

“Yeah, yeah,” Seth takes a useless drag of his cigarette. “This is where you belong.” He gestures to the dimly lit motel room, to the heroin laid out carelessly, no care if anyone walks in through the unlocked room but no one will.

“What does it matter?” Justin wonders. In the grand scheme of things, he is worthless, even in Seth’s pathetic universe. Justin doesn’t count anywhere.

“I can’t let you do it.” Seth is strangely coherent all of a sudden. “Let you trick that family into thinking you are hot shit.”

Justin laughs lowly. “They know me.”

“Do they?” Seth cocks his head to the side. “Do they know your mama turns tricks?”

“Get the fuck out of here.” Justin knows his mother does shit. He never saw any of it, god help him and he never called her out on it. She never brought it home with her. Maybe that makes her a good mother.

“This is yours.” Seth points to the drug, “You would do anything for it. You are your mother’s son.”

“Let me go,” Justin begs again. "I will leave and you will never see me again."

“In due time.” Seth leans back and holds a hand out, the cigarette barely hanging on for dear life. “Drag?”

\---------

“Hey.”

“Zachary,” Bryce smiles and looks behind him, and smiles wider. “Quite the posse you have been keeping lately.”

“Yeah,” Zach looks at Alex and Ryan. Tony waves or flips a finger. They can’t tell from this far. “Can we talk?”

“This about Justin?” Bryce holds a door open. Nobody enters. “Honeymoon over already?”

“Do you know where his mother is?” Alex asks.

“His mother?” Bryce whistles. “Have not seen her in a while. Why?”

“We need to see her.” Ryan offers, “Justin’s missing.”

“Holy shit.” Bryce’s eyes widen. “Since when?”

“Two days.” Alex answers. “Bryce, can you help us?”

“Uh,” Bryce shrugs, “She turns tricks sometimes.”

“Do you know where?” Alex’s tone remains bland. Everyone else gapes at this information.

“I do not.” Bryce chuckles carefreely. “Monty might.”

“Fuck.” Zach says with disgust, “Why?”

“Monty likes hookers?” Bryce starts to go back inside. “Be careful, he’s in some kind of mood.”

“Bryce,” Zach says in a pleading tone. “Help us. Justin’s in trouble.”

“Jesus,” Bryce sighs, “Fine, you all owe me.”

“No, we don’t,” Alex says, disgusted. “Rapist.”

“You know,” Bryce narrows icy gray eyes, making everyone shiver uncomfortably. “You accuse me of shit I haven’t even done, wait until I actually start trying.”

“Ooh,” Alex mocks, “I’m scared. Please don’t hurt me, big rapist man.”

“Knock it off.” Zach stands in front of Alex protectively when Bryce steps forward. “Come on now.”

“All of you are fags now?” Bryce takes a moment to grab his jacket and joins the group. “Seriously?”

“This is our chance,” Ryan whispers to Alex as Bryce walks toward his own garage. “I say we kill him. Run him off the road?”

“The thought has crossed my mind,” Alex says agreeably.

“No,” Zach says sternly, “No.” He says again when Ryan pouts at him. “Tony’s on probation.”

“Is it bad I’m more attracted to Tony because he’s a criminal or that he’s taken?” Ryan questions as Bryce leads the way in his father’s Range Rover.

“Caleb will beat on you,” Zach reminds Ryan as they walk toward Tony’s Mustang, “And then he will beat us.” He opens a backdoor for Alex and then takes shotgun beside Tony.

“You're only making this hotter for me.” Ryan takes the back seat beside Alex who slumps against his door.

“What’s hot for you?” Tony asks Ryan as he pulls out of the Walkers’ driveway after Bryce.

“Ryan wants to have sex with Courtney,” Alex says dryly.

“Fuck you,” Ryan can’t hide his cringe of disgust. He’s too gay for that joke.

“What is happening?” Tony has to call out over the bickering because Ryan is in the process of removing his Vans and beating Alex with them.

“We are going to go see Monty who knows where Justin’s mother is,” Zach informs Tony. His eyes are fixated on Alex who isn’t even bothering to fight off Ryan’s half-hearted attack.

“Relax husband he is fine.” Ryan sneers at Zach. “Not a scratch on his pretty head.”

“Do I want to know?” Tony asks Zach as he glances at Alex who is basically asleep in his backseat.

“I want to know.” Zach sighs, his eyes never leaving Alex’s form.

 


	11. Chapter 11

“If there is anything I can do,” Scott shuffles his feet, “Just let me know?”

“I’m fine.”

“Yeah,” Scott nods at the sandwich, “I hope you like turkey.”

“Why does everyone keep bringing me food?” Clay peeks at the bag of food from Monet’s. “They are open again?”

“Yeah,” Scott says, tight-lipped as ever. “Man, seriously, can we like drive around, looking for him?”

“The thought occurred to us.” Clay's tone is bone dry, enough to make Scott even more uncomfortable than he already is. “Seriously man, thanks.”

“Right.” Scott nods slowly. “You know I had nothing to do with that? Right?”

“Scott,” Clay pinches his nose, another headache already building behind his eyes, “What do you want?”

“I want to help.” Scott states. “I want to find him.”

“All of us do.” Clay doesn’t have it in him to indulge Scott. “I don’t know what to tell you.”

“I thought they were good guys.”

Scott looks like a kicked puppy. Clay takes pity on him. “Except for Bryce, they mostly are.”

“Monty?”

“There is a special place in hell for Monty,” Clay likes to pretend Monty has died or at least moved somewhere no human will ever see him again. “You stay away from him,” He says sternly and at Scott’s wide eyes shakes his head, “I am sorry.”

“Okay,” Scott shrugs, “I can take care of myself.”

“Stay the fuck away from Monty.” Clay can’t help but say. Something about Scott brings out the protective instincts in him. Even worse than Justin, but something tells Clay that’s about to change and Justin is about to get smothered as hell.

If he ever makes his way back to Crestmont.

“Monty acts like everything’s the same but it isn’t you know.” Either Scott doesn’t notice the change in Clay’s expression or he refuses to comment on it. “He’s even worse than usual. Rare form man. I’m scared.”

“Huh?” Clay blinks. It’s so easy to lose focus and let his mind go to a dark place.

He could get over it though. That’s what’s worse. Justin could just be another causality in Clay’s series of bad events and it’s another thing to move on from.

“Hey,” Scott is close now, awkwardly patting Clay’s shoulder, “Listen, he will be back, okay?”

“Yeah,” Clay feels his throat close up again. All he can do is nod.

“Okay,” Scott steps back, “Hey man, I will be back some other time. Keep me posted.”

“Uh huh.” Clay agrees, barely audible.

“Listen,” Scott hesitates before leaving, “It will get better.”

“I have never heard you talk this much,” Clay brings himself to say.

“Well,” Scott seems to be bracing himself. “Some things need to be said.” After a moment’s silence, he says, “Clay, we need to talk about Monty. When you have time.”

“What did he do?” Clay says, he’s been out of bed like five minutes only and he wants to crawl back.

“It’s what’s he planning to do.” Scott looks uncomfortable.

“Which is?” Clay tries to get comfortable but he feels uncomfortable at all times right now. It’s a constant feeling.

“I don’t know.” Scott shrugs, “I’m out.”

“Good.” Clay doesn’t want to tell Scott to stay away a third time but something about Scott brings out Clay’s protective instincts.

“I have a few colleges interested in me but this team…” Scott shakes his head, “It’s not worth it man.”

“No, it isn’t.” Clay can’t have another Tyler on his hand and Scott of all people. That would be unimaginable.

“There goes my scholarship.” Scott’s expression is of total loss.

“Hey,” Clay is dealing with loss himself, “Figure something else out. It’s not worth it. It will take years to fix what that freak did to Tyler.”

“I know.” Scott is clearly an empathic person and knows this is not the time. “I know and you are dealing with worse. I thought I would play for college, man. Fuck Monty. Freak.” That said, he waves and exits Justin’s room with barely a sound, leaving the door shut behind him.

Clay buries his face in Justin’s pillow. It is getting harder to pretend Justin’s scent is still present.

\----------

“Bryce?” Monty looks breathless at the sight of his former friend at his door. “Hi.”

“Hi,” Bryce raises his eyebrows, “Can we come in, buddy?”

“What are they doing here?” Monty looks over Bryce’s shoulder and glares at his company.

“Where is Justin’s mother?” Bryce looks over Monty’s shoulder, “Where’s yours?”

“You want to come in?” Monty asks hopefully. “Can we talk?”

“We can if you tell me what I need to know,” Bryce says firmly. “Do you have food in there? Jesus,” He looks around at the dimly lit room, “Where the fuck is your dad?”

“He’s out.” Monty lowers his neck submissively when Bryce steps near him, a subconscious gesture not missed by anyone.

“Hey,” Bryce’s tone changes and it’s so kind, Zach has to wonder for a second: how can this man be a rapist? “Are you okay?”

“How can you even ask me that?” Monty sobs before he steps forward and buries his face in Bryce’s neck.

“It’s fine man,” Bryce seems to hesitate for a second before his arms come up to embrace Monty, not quite as tightly as Monty is embracing him but it’s a hug nonetheless.

“I…” Ryan turns to where Alex, Zach, and Tony have identical expressions of surprise on their faces, “Am I seeing this?”

Alex opens his mouth and closes it again.

“No comment.” Tony scoffs.

“Don’t do that again.” Monty finally steps back, his hands still on Bryce’s chest, tracing his new varsity jacket. Seems Bryce has already made it on his new school’s football team.

“I will try,” Bryce smiles comfortingly. “Where the fuck is Amber?”

“Fuck Justin, he deserves what he gets.”

“What does that mean?” Zach can’t help but ask.

“The methhead was out here asking questions about him,” Monty runs a hand through his hair. It’s greasy. His eyes are bloodshot.

“What did you tell him?” Alex asks when Monty sneers at him, he rolls his eyes, “We will leave. With Bryce.”

“Jesus,” Ryan looks to be questioning his life.

“Just general.” Monty shrugs, “New family, new brother. New address.”

“Jesus fucking Christ.” Bryce seems upset and everyone seems surprised at this. “Was that necessary?”

“He turned his back on us.” Monty reminds Bryce who has a cold, hard expression on his face. “He betrayed you.”

“This was fucking stupid.” Bryce grabs Monty’s throat.

From the look on Monty’s face, he doesn’t mind that one bit.

“I…” Ryan speaks, flabbergasted, “I am both disgusted and aroused.” He whispers to Tony who slaps his arm.

“I’m sorry,” Monty chokes out, “Brycie, seriously.”

“Now he’s missing and that’s on you.” Bryce releases Monty and starts to walk away.

“Bryce, please,” Monty throws himself at Bryce’s feet who tries to kick him off. “Help me, tell me how to fix this, please.”

“Jesus,” Tony says with a disgusted look.

“I want him back.” Bryce tells Monty, his eyes glittering, “ASAP.”

“Could you text us the address please?” Ryan’s voice cracks when Bryce regards him with the same cold, blank look next. “Thanks.”

After no one has moved in ten minutes, they leave the boys in the same pose. “We should…” Tony starts to walk backward, quietly, as to not disturb the intimate scene.

“This is just beyond me at this point,” Zach responds when Alex looks at him questioningly. “I have no clue. Never seen this before.”

Tony starts the car. “Honestly, just when I think I know the level of fuckery that goes on around here, these fuckers surprise me.”

“Hey,” Zach says when Alex shrugs him off, “What’s wrong?”

“Honestly Bryce is a psycho.” Ryan says from the passenger seat, “But I didn’t think he was that psycho.”

“Him and that Monty,” Tony says, agreeing.

Zach’s phone chimes. “She’s off in that motel off the highway.”

“Oh I know that place,” Ryan looks at the address and at Tony’s knowing look rolls his eyes, “Not all dates can be in the backseat of your fucking car, Tony. Sometimes I go and fuck someone in a rented room.”

“It’s cheap,” Tony comments but turns his car in the direction of the Crestmont’s motel district.

“Talk to me?” Zach touches Alex’s shoulder and sighs when his hand is pushed off again. “What have I done now?”

“Stop the car,” Alex orders Tony and with a raised eyebrow, Tony obeys.

“We are losing time,” Ryan whispers to Tony who nods as Alex exits the vehicle along with Zach trailing after him faithfully, “If we are going to find Justin, we need to speed this shit up. Who knows where that druggie is with him by now?”

“What the fuck?” Tony rests his head on his steering wheel. “I didn’t realize gays were this complicated.”

“I did not hear you say that.” Ryan shakes his head, “Tony, seriously.”

“How hard is it to just fuck, and hang out?” Tony’s voice is muffled.

Ryan, who is gaping at Tony, smacks his arm, “Knock it off, we’re the normal ones now.”

“Jesus help me you are right,” Tony looks up again and turns his head to look out his side mirror. “Let me guess, the princess is mad because Zach breathed wrong?”

“Why do you assume that?” Ryan asks, offended.

They look outside where Alex is now repeatedly punching Zach’s arm.

“You don’t know shit,” Ryan says when Tony gives him a knowing look. “Fucking shut it. “

\----------

“I don’t know what I have done,” Zach pleads with Alex who hyperventilates, “I am so sorry, okay? Can it please wait until we find Justin?”

“Is that what you want?” Alex tries his best to keep his expression straight but it’s hard.

“Of course it’s what I want,” Zach says, “Jesus, he has to come home to his family.”

“You want me to kneel for you?” Alex pushes Zach away or tries to. The other boy is so much bigger, his strength so much _more_. The sheer brawn of him, it is as scary as it comforting. Alex doesn’t know which he leans toward, right now he’s a little frightened. “Like Monty does?”

“I didn’t know it was this bad,” Zach knows it was fucked up what they saw back there. “I’m not like them.” He pleads.

“You spent so much time with those fuckers.” Alex gasps when he can’t get air through his lungs. “I can’t breathe.”

“Alex,” Zach shakes his head, hurt, “That’s not fair. I helped you find the clubhouse.”

“And what did you do there?” Alex feels panic coming on that he has never felt before, knowing who he is involved with, that Zach may not be the Zach he has known all these months or the one Hannah knew.

Maybe it’s Bryce’s Zach lurking under there, just like the rest of Bryce’s boys.

“That’s not fair.” Zach looks so pained, Alex feels bad and that’s part of the trap, isn’t it?

“You expect what exactly?” Alex feels like a little bitch, “You basically went into heat that night.”

“Jesus _that’s_ what this is about?” Zach runs a hand through his hair, “I apologized for that like a thousand times, man. I am so fucking sorry, I thought we were ready.”

“I’m too vanilla for you? That’s it?”

“No,” Zach says slowly, cooing and that’s when Alex realizes he’s crying, god he is such a little bitch. “No, Alex, you are not vanilla. Jesus. I am sorry. I saw Justin and Clay and I thought we could use some passion. I thought I was boring you.”

“What you saw back there, at Monty’s,” Alex feels calmer. He cannot believe one sentence from Zach can have that kind of effect on him. “That seemed passionate to you?” Is that what Zach wants? Constant mindless devotion.

“I thought you were bored,” Zach repeats, emphasis on the word bored not lost on either boy. “I am kind of boring.”

“You are not.” Alex tries not to think about the sex they _do_ have because he will blush. Just the thought of Zach inside of him is enough to do things to him he can’t explain. Can anything he did before even be called sex? He was so vanilla.

“Hey,” Zach’s giant paw is on his face, thumbing at the wetness on Alex’s cheeks, concerned. “You look kind of feverish. What’s wrong? Need to go home?”

Alex wants to say yes. To make an excuse, take Zach somewhere and reaffirm their relationship. To prove that they are still them and not whatever the fuck Bryce and Monty have going on. “No,” He sighs and resists the urge to nuzzle Zach’s hand, “Justin’s missing.”

“Yeah, well we will find him,” Zach says, sure of himself. “He will be fine.”

“How do you know that?” Alex slaps Zach’s hand away, “Honestly.”

“Trust me,” Zach starts walking back toward the Mustang.

“I do,” Alex follows Zach, and it scares him how much he means it. Zach is a jock from Bryce’s pack and it’s not a good idea to go along with all this but Alex wants it, wherever this will lead.

“All good?” Tony is eying them expectantly in his rearview mirror.

“Yeah,” Alex answers for them, letting Zach place an arm around his shoulders, “I think I’m getting sick.” He lies.

“Oh,” Ryan makes a concerned sound. “You need drugs? The motel will have some. Oh come on,” He rolls his eyes when Tony elbows him straight in the ribs, not enough to do damage but enough to really sting.

“It can wait,” Alex reassures when Zach eyes him questioningly, “Justin first.”

 

 

 


	12. Chapter 12

“This place is disgusting.” Ryan looks ready to throw up. “Hold me.”

“Uh,” Tony sighs as Ryan grabs his elbow in a death grip. “Ambience not to your liking?”

“This place is disgusting,” Ryan repeats. His usually pale complexion is an alarming shade of green.

“I am okay,” Alex says slowly as Zach pulls him close. “Calm down.”

“Even for a cheap motel, this place is at a low standard.” Tony waves a hand in front of his face. “I’m getting an STD just looking at this place.”

“STI, grandpa,” Ryan reminds Tony, making a shrieking sound when something scurries past them. “Why can’t I wait in the fucking car for this?”

“Go right ahead,” Tony offers Ryan the keys.

“I am too scared to walk out alone.” Ryan whimpers, “I feel watched.”

“What room was it?” Alex asks when Ryan fucking starts sobbing. “Guys, people have to sell sex and drugs somewhere, cool it.”

“Fucking hold me.” Ryan steps even closer to Tony when he spots a bug.

“You are such a pussy,” Tony scoffs, “It’s just a roach.”

“I can’t believe I let you have me.” Ryan hisses at Tony, pressing his body even closer to the other boy.

“Jesus,” Zach and Alex make disgusted sounds. “Save it for the bedroom,” Zach cringes.

“Here we are,” They find the ‘room at the end of the hall’ as the man minding the register informed them blandly.

“If she’s naked I will literally jump off a roof,” Ryan promises Tony.

“Now now,” Tony is forced to place an arm around Ryan’s waist because he will not be able to walk otherwise. “Don’t be dramatic that is so unlike you.” He remarks sarcastically.

“Hello?” Zach knocks. “Mrs. Foley?” He knows Justin’s mother, knows what his home life is like. A wave of guilt washes over him. He has ignored enough of Justin’s distress calls to know how bad a mother can be. Makes him thankful for his own home life. Whatever that is.

“If you’re a cop that’s entrapment.”

“We don’t know any cops,” Alex responds and the irony is not lost on anyone. “We just want to talk to you, ma’am.”

“Do I know you?” Amber struggles to recognize Zach when she opens the door. “Are you friends with Justin?”

“We are looking for him?” Ryan wrinkles his nose when he smells whatever it is that wafts out of the room.

“Is he okay?” Amber blinks, “I just saw him.”

“When?”

“Just a few months ago,” Amber states, struggling to keep her eyes open. “He was fine. He was gonna start over.”

“He’s missing,” Alex says slowly, “We think Seth took him.”

“Oh no,” Amber pouts and shakes her head, “Seth wouldn’t do that.”

“But he kind of did,” Tony looks over Amber’s shoulder and spots the needle. “Mrs. Foley, where does Seth go when he’s not with you?”

“How should I know?” Amber makes a face at Tony.

“Do I have to call 911?” Alex asks Amber, “Do you want to spend a night in jail?”

“There is no crime here,” Amber informs the boys, making Ryan giggle.

At her agitated glare, Ryan straightens his expression, “I’m sorry, I thought that was sarcasm.”

“Where is Seth?” Tony asks again, “Either you tell us, or you tell the cops.”

“Fuck this,” Zach pulls out his phone, “She can go down for what he did.”

“No,” Amber wails, “What did he do?”

“Your son is missing,” Zach barks at her, “We haven’t seen him in days.”

“Justin?” Amber’s eyes are half open now, “Is he okay?”

“Where is Seth?” Tony pulls out his wallet and some twenties. The rest of the boys follow suit. “Have you heard from him?”

There is a hint of interest in Amber’s eyes at the sight of cash. “Seth likes Baltimore. He goes there sometimes.”

Ryan moans when Tony makes him take out his wallet. “She will just spend it on drugs.”

“You’re not wrong,” Alex agrees as he and Zach empty their wallets. “Where in Baltimore?”

“Downtown.” Amber rolls her eyes at Alex as if he should have known that.

“Right,” Alex states when the door shuts in his face.

The sound of heavy footsteps interrupts the boys’ reverie. “Amber in?” A massive man in his late fifties with salt and pepper hair asks them.

“Oh no,” Ryan turns and buries his face in Tony’s neck.

“Homos,” The man spits and disappears in Amber’s room.

“Right,” Zach says as Alex calls his father. “I think I just lost my innocence.”

“You lost _your_ innocence?” Tony asks as he pats Ryan’s back.

\----------

“What is wrong with you?” Justin isn’t just starting to feel hunger pangs, that’s the problem. It’s the other pangs, the lack of smack and the lack of familiar faces and his mind is starting to play tricks on him.

The two guys necking in front of that one corner look an awful lot like Zach and Alex and god help Justin he will sit and watch them for an hour if he has the chance.

“I told you,” Seth has his gun pressed against Justin’s back and is leading him through the nearly deserted street, “I’ve got some time on my hands.”

“You think you’re going to shoot me?” Justin shudders when he spots a dealer. Discrete and trying to blend in but he stands out so well to Justin.

Justin could take anything right now.

“Walk faster,” Did Seth just try to make himself smaller? “Hurry up.”

Does Seth owe someone money?

Call it the lack of the right nutrients in Justin’s system, or call it stupidity, he is not missing his chance. “Hey,” He ignores the jabbing of the gun in his lower back, “You got any on you?” He runs toward the big, bulky man wearing a hoodie the color of a grey Justin didn’t know existed. “I want some.”

Justin feels safer already.

“Fuck,” Seth is running, in an opposite direction.

“Motherfuck.” There is a hint of recognition in dark, beady eyes and the large, menacing asshole is now chasing Seth. There is a shot fired but Justin couldn’t be bothered, he runs and he runs and he runs.

“Hey,” There is a voice calling out after him, “Hey!”

“Huh?” Justin has to stop after a minute because he is starting to see dark spots in his vision. It’s the Zach and Alex look-alikes. “Leave me alone,” He says or he tries to. “Please.” He is struggling to take in air.

“Here you go.” The younger, prettier one hands Justin a wad of cash. “The ugly one dropped this. Are you okay sweetie?”

“Yes,” Justin nods, “Fine.”

“Get out of here,” The broader one warns Justin and he’s aware of that, thanks. “They will be back soon.”

“Your pimp giving you trouble?” The younger one says sympathetically. “You don’t need that shit. You can handle your own business.”

“Thanks,” Justin curls up on himself because he needs to breathe for a second, damn it.

“We can’t just leave him,” The smaller one is saying to his lover, “What would Jesus do?”

“Not my strawberry not my business.”

“I need to make a phone call.” Justin manages to say, “Can I use your phone?”

“Sure can doll,” The smaller one hands Justin his, despite the other’s protests. “Is it a long distance? Will cost you.”

“Here,” Justin hands over his wad of cash. “Go nuts.”

“Uh,” The guys exchange looks. “Just a hundy is fine, sweetie.”

“I can’t…” Justin doesn’t know anyone’s number by heart, but… “Fuck…”

“Don’t call your pimp.” Justin is advised.

“Hello?” Jess’ voice is like a balm to his soul. “Hello? I am not buying anything from you assholes, stop calling here. You are not fooling anyone.”

“Jess.” Justin manages to say, “Hi.”

“Justin,” She pauses, “Where are you, tell me now, we are going crazy,” She is crying, “Justin, please come home.”

“Jess,” Justin looks at the street names but can’t find any, “I am in Baltimore I think.”

“We know that,” Jess states, “We are looking for you.”

“I am on,” Justin pauses and lists off a neighborhood when the boys waiting with him narrate it for him, “I’m lost.”

“Come home.” Jess is sobbing so hard. “Please, Justin.”

“I’m sorry,” Justin can’t even find it in him to cry. He knows it will feel better though. “How are you?”

“I’m terrible.” Jess all but screams, “You left me again.”

“I keep letting you down.” Justin sniffles. It’s cold and the sun is setting.

“Justin,” Jessica’s voice is low now, “Come home and we will talk.”

“Yeah,” Justin nods, his head is pounding. “Yeah, I will.”

“Stay there. We’re coming to get you.”

“Alright.” Justin hands the cell phone back.

“You want us to wait with you, honey?”

“It’s okay,” Justin doesn’t care what the couple does, “Do you have anything on you?”

“We are trying the rehab thing.” The older boy lowers himself to sit beside Justin, the younger following his example.

“How’s that going?”

“It’s worth it.” They gaze into each other’s eyes and hold hands. “I love this asshole.” The younger says dreamily. “You’ve got anyone waiting on you, doll?”

“Yeah,” Justin says, “I do.”

\----------

“How are you holding up?” Lainie smiles patiently when Clay doesn’t notice her for a good minute. Staring through her. “Dinner?”

“Stop trying to feed me!”

“I was hoping,” Lainie sets the plate down on Clay’s desk. “We could share this. It’s all I can stomach and it’s all we will have.”

“Mom,” Clay hasn’t moved since Scott left. Yesterday. “Don’t take this the wrong way, but please…”

“Honey,” Lainie grabs Clay’s hand, it is clammy and sweaty, “You always feel so deeply, you get that from your father and I love you for it.”

“I’m sorry I’m not a lawyer,” Clay snaps and at his mother’s disappointed look sighs, “Mom, sorry, I…”

“I need you to think like a lawyer,” Lainie’s patience never waivers. “Think about all possible outcomes of this case.”

“This is not a fucking case,” Clay removes his hand from her grasp. “Shame on you.”

“What if he comes back and what if he doesn’t?” Lainie straightens up in her chair and hands Clay a spoon, “Do you have it in you to face both outcomes?”

“Mom, please go away,” Clay says, irritated.

“If and when he comes back,” Lainie doesn’t mention the other _outcome_ and thank god because Clay will flip his shit, “What’s going to happen here?”

“I’m going to sit here and wait until you leave.”

“Good,” Lainie holds out a bowl and Clay is forced to take it, “You can listen. You are sleeping in his room. Are you still going to be doing that?”

“Mom,” Clay holds up a broccoli, “Please.”

“I’m not stupid.” Lainie reminds Clay, “I wasn’t born yesterday. I see how you look at him. Clay,” She tries to stroke her son’s hair, not minding when her hand is slapped away, “We get to have a do-over baby, you don’t.”

“I’m not doing that.”

“Clay,” Lainie stares at her plate thoughtfully, “He’s basically homeless. Don’t pressure him into being your live-in boyfriend.”

“Mom,” Clay makes a disgusted face, “What is the matter with you? He’s my brother.”

“I saw you sitting in his lap,” Lainie states, wrinkling her nose similarly to Clay when they come across a boiled carrot. “What was that?”

“I love him, we are brothers.” Clay affirms. If he says it enough he will believe it.

“You know what you think you know,” Lainie is too smart to argue with her son without any evidence to back it up, “Just know the position he is in and the power you have over him.”

“I am aware of that,” Clay has compared himself to Bryce more than anyone, “I understand that, mom.”

“Don’t deprive him of a home because you need another Skye or Jeff.” Lainie sighs when Clay visibly flinches, “We need to talk about him?”

“What’s there to talk about?” Clay bows his head, “He’s gone.”

“You are in an unusual position,” Lainie sighs, “And you need to process a lot, and you will need proper psychological tools to advance that process. Don’t make Justin one of those tools. He deserves better than that.”

“Noted,” Clay feels better when he’s had a few bites. “Why does this crap taste so good?”

“When you’re hungry,” Lainie forces herself to eat the carrot, “Everything tastes good. Justin has had to endure a lot. Don’t make him endure anything he doesn’t want to.”

“Mom you’re making me feel so dirty.”

“Something to keep in mind,” Lainie smiles when Clay pushes the carrot aside, unable to stomach it. “He’s my responsibility just as much as you, dear. I have to protect both of you now.”

 

 

 


	13. Chapter 13

_“We are gathered here today,” Bryce adjusts his glasses, “To say goodbye to a friend, a great player…”_

_“Amen,” Jeff and Monty nod in agreement. Identical, solemn expressions on their clean-shaven faces._

_“I…” Bryce has to pause because he is simply too distraught. “He was a part of me and he is gone.”_

_“Are you fucking kidding me?” Clay promised himself he wouldn’t do this. He was going to quietly attend. That’s it, damn it. “Seriously.” He stands and stares in horror as everyone stares back in condemnation and in his mother’s case, disbelief._

_“It’s okay,” Bryce shakes his head disapprovingly. “Jensen, what are you doing here?” He asks as the police start to make their way over._

_Clay makes a run for the coffin. He just wants to say his goodbye, damn it. He catches a glimpse of a designer suit and not only would Justin never wear that, he would never agree to a capsule knot._

_“Son,” Deputy Standall is holding him back now, “I don’t want to do this here.”_

_Clay catches a glimpse of his father who looks away as soon as he crosses eyes with him._

_“Stop it,” Clay tries to hold out a hand, uselessly reaching for the coffin but his hands are tied behind his back, the icy cool of handcuffs restraining him completely._

“Clay, please, you will hurt yourself.”

“Honey,” Lainie is uselessly wiping his tears away, the sting of her slap still a fresh, short-term memory. “Stop it.”

“Jeez,” Matt winces sympathetically from the driver’s seat. “Must have been a bad one.”

“Mom,” Clay is mortified, he can’t believe this is happening but it’s hard to keep his dreams from his folks in the confined space of a car.

“It was a bad one,” Matt nods as Lainie holds Clay close, “Almost there.”

The city is a distressing two-hour drive away from the airport.

“Shh,” Lainie’s eyes are soft, “Honey, whatever it is you saw,” She promises, “Was not real.”

“Yes, it was,” Clay says numbly. “It felt real.”

Death, the finality of it. Clay is all too familiar with it, along with the consequences that come with it. It was more of a memory than a dream.

“Hannah again?” Lainie strokes Clay’s hair.

“You’re stressed.” Matt reminds Clay who lets Lainie rock him back and forth in her arms, something he normally doesn’t allow. Things haven’t been normal in a while. Clay is starting to miss Junior High.

“Almost there,” Matt’s expression is carefully blank. “Clay, where should we take Justin for dinner tonight?”

“Uh,” Clay can’t remember what Justin likes right now.

“We will decide later,” Lainie wipes Clay’s face with the Kleenex all mothers religiously keep in their purse and Clay starts to protest, and frowns when he notices the wetness on the tissue. “Between the two of you, I’m just glad we’re both working.”

“We are going to have two kids in college in a year,” Matt sighs, not impatiently. “Help me.”

“I am trying.” Lainie tries to keep in good humor, but her voice cracks. She and Clay have similar, haunted looks on their faces, “Matt, If he is not in Baltimore….”

“Hon,” Matt is trying to be strong for all three of them but god help him he is only one man. “He literally called Jessica from there and gave us a street name.”

“I know.” Lainie hasn’t slept all night. Clay hasn’t slept all night. They both ended up in the living room again, staring at the TV until it was time to leave for their flight.

Infomercials are preferable to the kinds of programs which air at four am in the morning.

“He will be back for dinner.” Matt doesn’t know who he is trying to convince.

“It’s nice of Bill to come with.” Lainie comments on the vehicle flanking them.

“When kids start attempting suicide the adults start taking things seriously.” Matt raises a hand to wave when Bill has to pass them.

“It was a successful attempt.” Clay reminds his father, his voice muffled by his mother’s shawl. “Hannah succeeded.”

“I was talking about his son,” Matt sounds properly chastised.

“Different attempts,” Lainie’s tone is similar to her husband’s. Quiet and overly cautious, like they have been around Clay since Justin’s disappearance. “Different outcomes.”

Clay extracts himself from his mother’s hold to lean against the window. The sun is so bright, it’s offensive. “How long?”

“An hour.” Matt says kindly, “Sleep.”

“You don’t have to ask me twice.” Lainie wraps her shawl around herself a little tighter.

“I will wake you when we get there,” Matt promises Lainie who is already half asleep and Clay who is fighting it.

\----------

“It’s a family matter,” Tony reminds everyone when accusing eyes regard him angrily, again. “Buy your own tickets.” He states when Jessica eyes him all but murderously. “Go get him.”

“We should go together.” Caleb wraps an arm around Tony, “Show some support for your friends.” He has been pressuring Tony to go away for a while now and this might be their chance. Maryland is as good a place as any he supposes.

“What do you care?” Tony ignores everyone, “you don’t even know him.” He likes Caleb a lot but he is not looking to get on a plane with him just yet.

He knows what that implies.

“He has a point,” Ryan smiles sweetly at Caleb.

“We don’t have many couple friends,” Caleb responds slowly, keeping his cool, “Not looking to lose the ones we have.”

“Oh,” Ryan ignores everyone gesturing at him to stop. “That says a lot about you.”

“Will you two please shut the fuck up?” Alex says, shaking his head at the trio, “A person is missing.”

“Look,” Ryan waves at Zach (who looks fearfully at Caleb) and Alex, “Gays who won’t associate with you.”

Caleb’s expression suggests he is looking to argue back, he wraps an arm around Tony who cringes at the possessive display along with Sheri, who is on her phone, desperately waiting for an update, “I think he’s okay with me.”

“I should have gone,” Jessica stares at her phone which still reads the unknown Maryland number she got a call from last night. “I should have gone to get him.”

“It’s a family matter,” Sheri says absently and at Jessica’s hurt look sighs, “Sorry.”

“She’s right,” Tony physically distances himself from Caleb and Ryan. “Jess, he needs his parents right now.”

“I should have gone.” Jessica feels the urge to throw her phone against a wall, but that would very well break the one connection she has with Justin. She tried calling the number back but she got the wackiest answering message warning Hakim not to leave a message because that _motherfucker owes some serious interest._

“Jess,” Alex clearly hates to be the one saying it but judging from everyone else’s expressions, no one else is going to hurt her so badly, “He’s not yours to go get.” The _anymore_ is unspoken and hangs in the air like fog.

“He called me.” Jessica glares at Alex, “He told me he loves me.”

“What?” Multiple voices say together. “He did what?” Zach asks gently.

“Uh,” Caleb says after five minutes of silence, clearly left out, “I thought Abercrombie and Fitch was with that pathetic looking one?” He whispers at Tony.

Ryan shushes Caleb, “This doesn’t concern you.”

“Justin told you he loved you?” Tony brings himself to ask, “Jessica?”

“I…” Jessica blinks. She remembers how Justin sounded so lost on the other end. She remembers how she felt.

“You know what,” Sheri says kindly, jumping down from the ledge she is perched on, “Why don’t us girls go out for dinner while we are waiting for some news.” She turns to where Courtney is staring into space blankly, “Girls are going.” Sheri says loudly.

“I think you are one still,” Zach informs Courtney who flips him the bird and straightens her dress as she snaps out of her daze and starts following Jessica and Sheri.

“Are you alright?” Sheri asks Courtney as she leads Jessica by her shoulders.

“My dads,” Courtney holds the passenger seat door open for Jessica, “separated for a year when I was in elementary.”

“Oh shit,” Sheri gets in the driver's seat, “This must be bringing some memories back for you.”

“It’s weird,” Courtney admits, eyeing Jessica from the back seat, “Jessica are you okay?”

“I’m fine,” Jessica frowns at Courtney. Why wouldn’t she be okay?

“Who wants some Chinese?” Sheri ignores Courtney moan of disgust.

“Ugh,” Courtney makes another face when Jessica nods. “Honestly.”

“Your people are gods,” Sheri states cheerfully as Courtney demands they stop by for a hamburger first.

\---------

“You are looking uglier and uglier every single year,” Bill is greeted warmly when they arrive at the Southwestern district of Baltimore PD.

“Go fuck yourself,” Bill lets the detective hug him with one arm and at Lainie’s raised eyebrows, clears his throat.

“How’s Peter?”

Bill suddenly looks years older, “He’s good.”

“Alex?”

A firm nod, “We’re good.”

“Jesus, Bill,” Detective C. Higgins as he has introduced himself to everyone involved sighs, “He was such a good kid. What the fuck happened?”

“He’s a good kid, Chris,” Bill scoffs, “He’s had a rough year is all.”

“Get him on some good depression tablets or he will be dead in the ground before you know it.” Chris is staring at a computer screen now and misses the pained wince on Bill’s face.

“Was that necessary?” Lainie asks the detective who is staring at data intently.

“What was ma’am?” Chris squints at Lainie, trying to make out her form. He has clearly been on duty for a good overtime now and is staying out of courtesy for whatever work relationship he once had with Bill.

“Nothing,” Lainie says when both Matt and Clay jab at her ribs.

“Any news on Justin?” Matt asks as the detective sighs, his eyes rimmed red.

“Your boy is on probation.” Chris responds, “And the number he used wasn’t exactly a Church’s.”

“He’s a good kid,” Bill promises, his face already schooled back into a mixture of professionalism and cool confidence, “He’s a basketball player for god’s sake.”

“Jesus, Bill, he’s barely out of juvenile hall and he’s calling you from a pimp’s cellphone.”

“It can’t be a good pimp if you have his number,” Clay speaks up and regrets it.

“They are not careless,” Chris responds to Clay eyeing him probingly, “They are confident and know we don’t have time or manpower for them. It’s like a fucking haystack here.”

“I know it’s bad here, Chris,” Bill tries not to beg but it’s obvious he is really trying here, “Don’t let him become another one of your problems.”

“How did this happen?” A homicide detective can’t help but question everyone, “Honestly, what’s your kid doing on these streets lost out here?”

“A drug dealer broke into our home and took him,” Lainie’s voice waivers and Matt wraps his arm around her.

“Where’s the superstar who did this?”

“At this moment I don’t give a crap,” Bill admits, “The boy is more important.”

“I beg to differ,” Chris makes an interested sound when Seth’s name now appears on his screen. “He is currently in holding at Western.”

“I see,” Bill makes an understanding sound as the family behind him gapes, “And the boy?”

“Not with him.”

“Jesus,” Lainie and Clay say together seat themselves on the ancient chairs across from the detective who offers them the gut rotting coffee he’s already sipping a second cup of.

“He told us where he is,” Matt starts to get up, “I’m going to go get him.”

“Go ahead,” Chris starts getting up himself. “I’m going to go see this asshole.”

“Sounds like a plan.” Bill starts to follow Chris out.

“How’s that beautiful wife of yours?” Chris asks, “Still way the fuck out your league?”

“You know it,” Bill responds sincerely.

“I’m going to go get him.” Matt nods at Clay.

“Can I go with them?” Clay looks to where the cops are almost out of sight.

Lainie schools her face into a neutral expression. “If you want.”

“Lainie.” Matt tries and then turns to Clay, “You have been going insane not knowing where he is.”

“And now I do.” Clay tries to smile. “Go get him, be good parents.”

“Oh for god’s sake,” Matt storms out.

“So you are going to be brother, not boyfriend, I take it?” Lainie stands up as well, keep her hand on Clay’s shoulder to keep herself from getting dizzy.

“I will be whatever he needs me to be.” Clay purses his lips, “And right now he needs you two.”

“Well said.” Lainie slowly follows her husband, “We might just make a responsible adult out of you young man.”

“Uh,” Clay has to pause, “Right.”

“Kiddo,” Bill is back after a few minutes, “Your mom says you’re riding with us?”

“Yes, sorry,” Clay forces himself to follow Bill. The urge to go to Justin is real and powerful but his mother’s words ring powerfully in his ears and he can’t unhear them.

\----------

“We can make a lot of money together you know,” Not-Zach informs Justin and Justin doesn’t dare ask what that means. “You can pick your regulars.”

They are currently sitting outside a rundown Dairy Queen and Justin has turned down every offer of food despite the increasingly loud grumbles of his stomach.

“Eat something, sugar,” Not-Alex keeps offering Justin food, which he is sure is laced with something, and that only makes it more appealing.

“I am not looking for a job,” Justin says for what has to be the twentieth time.

“It’s a career,” Not-Alex explains. “It’s a lifestyle. It will get you off the streets. You know your pimp was arrested.”

“Was he?” Justin says without interest. “Why?”

“We called the cops on him.” Not-Alex is offended at Justin’s query. “He can’t treat you like this.”

“You haven’t even eaten.” Not-Zach offers Justin his fries which he is tempted to take but again, the _no food from strangers rule_ Justin has been following all these years has never served him wrong.

“It’s fine,” Justin promises, alarmed at the concern. These people treat their hookers better than some do their children and Justin doesn’t know how to feel. _Chill_ , he wants to say but doesn’t know how the brawny one will take it. Not-Alex has a large shiner that he has tried to unsuccessfully cover with a concealer, which doesn’t match his shade.

Makeup sure isn’t as easy as Jess made it look.

Justin doesn’t know exactly how long these guys have been sober. Or how long it will last. He, himself is getting the shakes.

“It doesn’t have to be like this.” Justin feels a petite hand on his thigh and almost laughs because the real Alex would never touch him. He seems to have an aversion to touching. “You don’t have to be alone.”

“I’m not alone.” Justin slaps the hand away. Or tries, his strength is leaving him fast. He is cold because he refused to go indoors with these guys. He knows that’s a bad idea. His instincts are still sharp from Oakland and he knows he would sell well, even in this condition, all malnourished and track marks semi-fresh.

He _had_ to go on heroin because it was cheap because he wouldn’t sell himself to afford the better shit. Justin received offers he turned down from men rolling in cars, and even women who looked so respectable it’s unbelievable they would pay for underage dick. It would be so easy to go somewhere and make some cash and feed a habit which is fairly starting to drive Justin mad.

That’s a line Justin hasn’t crossed yet. Somehow he’s above all that still, his compass not pointing in that direction just yet.

“Really?” Not-Zach, or is he? Justin blinks and his hazy mind can’t tell Zach’s model features apart from the pimp’s hardened ones. “Where are your people? See how good I keep mine?” Not-Alex is dressed well, and the diamonds in his ears are real, “You could be mine?”

“I already have someone,” Justin promises.

“That girl you were talking to?” Not-Alex isn’t as pretty as Alex, Justin realizes in the sun’s unforgiving light. “You could buy her shit and send her money.”

“No,” Justin wants to laugh at the idea of it. Jessica wouldn’t take his money and no amount of it would make up for what Justin has done. “There’s someone else.”

“You got a man?” Not-Zach asks, with a confusion that would make actual Zach proud. “Where is he? Why not call him?”

“I don’t know his number.” Justin feels defensive all of a sudden. “You know all your hoes numbers?”

“I do.” And the fog clears because Zach could never be this calculating, there could never be this much blood in his eyes.

“You know not many would pass up this opportunity,” Not-Alex plays up the job offer and Justin is about to roll his eyes and get punched but he’s really fucked in the head because he can’t be hearing Lainie's voice. He can’t be.

“Oh fuck,” Lainie is not only running toward them, she is swearing up a storm, which is really out of character. “Oh fuck, you are freezing.” She removes her shawl and wraps it around Justin. “Oh sweetheart,” She is crying. “I am so sorry.”

There is a young police officer beside her, awkwardly letting her take Justin and for a moment Justin’s wishful thinking lets him believe it’s Clay.

“Uh,” Matt asks the pimp, “What are the chances my rental will still be where I parked it?”

“Pretty decent.” Is the thoughtful response.

“Where is Clay?” Justin doesn’t give a fuck about saving face at this moment or looking a certain way in front of his adoptive parents. “He didn’t come to get me?” He hasn’t eaten in days, not since Seth decided to throw a half-eaten sandwich at his head which is constantly pounding and he could really go for a nice soothing injection from his favorite thing in the whole world right now.

“He is here,” Matt holds up a hand, “Justin, he came.”

“Where is he?” Justin doesn't notice everyone’s raised eyebrows. “I don’t fucking see him.”

Lainie really wants to say _language_ , Justin can tell. The expression on his face dares her to say so. “Sweetheart,” She says gently, “You need to go to a hospital.”

“Your son is such a fucking liar.” Justin doesn’t care how pathetic he looks. “He makes all these promises and honestly Bryce is better.”

“Bryce is a rapist.” Lainie’s eyes are filled with a shade of telltale anger but it’s gone again. The sympathy is back. “Clay would die for you.”

“Fuck him and fuck you.” Justin knows he’s ruining his one chance at a family. Fuck it. “Let’s go.” He says to the pimp. “Where do you need me to go?”

“Where do you need him to go?” Matt crosses his arms and it’s comical, suburban dad staring down a dangerous flesh-peddler but it’s Not-Zach who backs off with his hands raised.

“We didn’t know he had people,” Not-Alex is close to disapparating as well, “We thought he was homeless.”

“He is _not_ homeless.” Lainie is for all intents and purposes, scarier than Matt.

“We are going, Jesus,” After an offended scowl because Justin is now throwing up next to the Dairy Queen entrance, the couple disappears.

“Where do you find these people?” Lainie is questioning Justin who is doubled over, “Seriously?”

“Give him a break,” Matt is patting Justin’s back.

“Is that?” Lainie gasps, “Jesus.” She grabs her hair.

Matt orders the flabbergasted young officer to call an ambulance.

“No,” Lainie sobs. “Why is he bleeding?” She grabs Justin’s shoulder when he’s done, screaming hysterically, “What did you take?”

“Stop it.” Matt is close to cracking himself. “Seriously, you are not helping,” He snaps at Lainie.

“Nothing,” Justin is ashamed when Lainie uses her own shawl to wipe his face, “I didn’t take any.”

“Maybe it’s withdrawal,” Matt suggests, rubbing Justin’s back. He’s glad Clay didn’t come with them. He doesn’t need to see this. “Listen to me,” He says to Justin who is so pale all of a sudden it’s alarming. “It will be okay, everything is fine.”

“I’m sorry,” Justin says pitifully.

“I know.” Matt pulls Justin closer, watching Lainie pace on the pavement, looking out of place in this neighborhood. “Your mom and I are here.”

“She’s not my mom.” Justin’s breathe sounds wet with blood. “My mom doesn’t care.”

 


	14. Chapter 14

By the time they arrive at Western, Clay feels as if he is going to burst with energy. He knows when this adrenaline leaves him, he is going to keel over. He is not looking forward to that point.

“A pimp called the police on him.” Is the dry response when Seth’s whereabouts are inquired about. “He was disturbing the peace.”

“Okay then,” Chris turns to Bill, “We will take it from here. Your boy is a minor, it’s not looking good for Seth.”

“Can I talk to him?” Clay asks the detective who is ready to go home. It is midday now, the sun is already too high, the station is already too busy, and judging from Chris’ expression, he has had it, this is basically a double shift for him.

“Son,” Chris starts, “You have your brother back. From across state lines. Do you know how rare that is?” Judging from the rust starting to gather on his badge, he can quote Clay some very exact statistics which Clay isn’t looking to hear. “He could have been trafficked by now, for any amount of meth imaginable.”

“I still need to ask him some questions.” Clay is adamant.

“Here,” Bill reaches out for an abandoned nightstick off someone’s desk, possibly belonging to someone changing shifts, and hands it to Clay. “Ask him something for me.”

“Bill,” Chris doesn’t even look surprised. A testament to how long they have known each other. “Jesus.”

“Go ahead, son.” Bill ushers Clay toward the room where Seth is in lockup, along with a couple of drunks and a young man who is coming off of something and is legitimately claiming he saw Jesus.

“I…” Clay stares at the nightstick in his hand.

“What the fuck?” Chris looks too exhausted to do anything. “Seriously? How will this help?”

The few guards on duty don’t make a single move to stop them, watching interestedly.

“He wanted to go with me,” Seth says when Clay approaches, Bill, shadowing him. “He asked to leave. You read the note.”

“Are you fucking kidding me?” Clay asks, disgusted. “What the fuck were you planning on doing?” He raises the baton above his head. The druggie next to Seth shifts away from them in fear. There are murmurs around the station. It’s pin-drop quiet now.

“He caused me a lot of trouble,” Seth tries to explain. “Now he’s pretending like nothing happened.”

“So you broke into our house and took him?” Clay sneers.

“At gunpoint,” Bill adds.

“What the fuck are you doing?” Chris shakes his head.

Bill shrugs.

“I didn’t think…” Seth raises an arm to shield himself but otherwise, he is unfazed, dead-eyed, “I didn’t realize…”

“What,” Clay stops himself. There are a lot of cops here, and it doesn’t bode well for him in the long run, even with Bill’s support to whack someone in the head with a nightstick. “That we’d come after him?”

“That he was this good,” Seth responds coolly, “He fooled you. He’s no better than his whore mother.”

“Stay away from him.” Clay lowers the nightstick slowly. “Don’t ever come near him again.” There are disappointed jeers at this, several guards walking away from the lack of a show.

“Likewise.” Seth smirks, “Don’t let him trick you. He ain’t nothing but a trick.”

“He’s my fucking brother,” Clay states firmly. He has to stay in control. He has to.

“When did he tell you that?” Seth squints a little. “Before he sucked you off? After?” He murmurs.

“Are you happy?” Chris asks Bill after Clay punches Seth in the side of his head as hard as he can, and then whimpers in pain because the impact to his own hand is excruciating.

“Eh,” Bill shrugs again and grabs Clay who is doubled over his hand, “You need practice.”

“Fuck you,” Clay spits at Seth who is holding his head. There is enough of a scene that a middle-aged receptionist with the inert eyes is staring over her cubicle now, “Asshole.”

“He is his mother’s son,” Seth remarks again and before Clay can try hitting him again, Chris intervenes, much to Bill’s protest.

“That’s enough,” Chris pulls Clay away, “Go see your brother.”

“Asshole,” Clay barks again.

“You tell him,” A couple of girls in high heels and sequined dresses remark from across the room from where they are waiting to be booked.

“You can’t encourage that kind of behavior in a kid,” Chris informs Bill who holds up a hand.

“Save the lecture, Chris,” Bill follows Clay who is being led out by force.

“Nice to see you too. Can’t wait for the Christmas card, asshole.”

\----------

The intern seems afraid of Lainie and escapes the first chance he can get to find his attending who explains that this is withdrawal.

“And the blood?” Matt is the only one coherent enough to question. “Why is he throwing up blood?”

“Does he have an alcohol problem?”

“Are you kidding me?” Lainie asks, laughing hysterically, “He’s seventeen.”

“A heroin addict going through withdrawal,” The attending has nerves of steel, they have to give him that. He doesn’t waiver in the face of Lainie’s frightening overprotective fervor, “Does he have any alcohol problems? Do you notice any drinking?”

Lainie runs a hand through her hair, “Clay would know. We haven’t seen anything.”

“Clay is?” The doctor is already checking his next patient in his head, Matt can tell.

“His brother.”

“Where is he?” The attending looks around as if checking for another person. Lainie can’t tell if he’s being sarcastic or not.

“He will be here,” Lainie says, feeling defensive.

“Well, we are pretty sure it’s an ulcer.” The doctor checks the adoption status, which has already gone through because Lainie still has pull despite not being attached to a swanky firm anymore. “Is he stressed?”

“What?” Matt responds because Lainie just stares at the man blankly.

“College apps?” The doctor shrugs, “I remember being there. Just tell him to take it easy. He’s dehydrated so we have got him on an IV. I don’t know what his previous situation is and it’s a good thing that you folks are doing but he needs to start eating regular meals. He is dangerously underweight.”

That said the man disappears in a sea of nurses and dumbfounded families.

“I…” Lainie lowers herself down on a chair, “He’s stressed,” She lets out a loud, hysterical sound which startles a mother trying to calm her toddler next to her, “Are you fucking kidding me, Matt?” The mother next to Lainie glares and leaves, “He’s stressed.”

“That doctor’s got thirty patients an hour,” Matt isn’t an MD for a reason, “He’s got no idea what Justin’s been through.”

“He’s stressed,” Lainie is laughing and crying at the same time and Matt holds up a hand when a nurse tries to approach them. “Oh, gee. Why is he stressed, Matt? Because some freak took him right under our noses and we allowed it.”

“It’s not our fault.” Matt rolls his eyes at the security guard, “She’s not dangerous, she’s just hysterical.” Knowing Lainie it’s the same thing. “We will wait outside.”

When one of them freaks out the other calms down. It’s their thing. “Honey,” Matt brings Lainie outside where all the ambulances are. “You are making a scene.”

“He has an ulcer.”

“He’s got ninety-nine problems.” Matt refuses to respond to the lethal glare leveled at him because he should be able to take it by now, “Let’s not add to them.”

“And Clay?” Lainie manages to compose herself remarkably well. Matt can see why she does what she does. “What do we do about Clay?”

“Clay likes complicated.” Matt sighs, rubbing Lainie’s back, “That in there,” He gestures to what he thinks is the direction of Justin’s room in the giant hospital, “Is as complicated as it gets.”

“Complicated is our son.” Lainie looks ready to break down again. “They are both ours.” She sobs, “Our sons want to be boyfriends.” The same woman, with the baby, walks by them and give them a disgusted frown.

“We are cousins,” Matt nods patiently when the woman starts walking faster, her baby innocently gurgling from his stroller.

“Lainie,” Matt sighs, “Clay will be fine. It’s Justin who scares me.”

“We agree on something.” Lainie sniffles, “Now I’m even more concerned, Matt.”

“I don’t want this, whatever this is to get in the way of Justin’s recovery.”

“It won’t.” Lainie promises, “We won’t let it.”

“So we allow whatever this is,” Matt straightens up when he sees Clay rushing past an ambulance and almost getting hit by the same stroller owner who has been judging them nonstop for the past ten minutes. “And then what.”

“It’s just until college right,” Lainie manages to say before Clay is in earshot. “We can do this. Support them both.”

“Hi,” Clay looks wrecked. “How is he?”

“Your hand?” Lainie grabs his wrist. “Dear god, Clay. Go get that looked at.”

“Justin.” Clay ignores her concerned, tearful look. “Where is he?”

“He was moved to a private room which I am sure our insurance does not cover in this state.” Matt removes his glasses, “Jesus, Clay, please. Talk to us.”

“He punched a wall.” Bill joins them a minute later. “You know how kids are.”

“He did what?” Lainie gasps as Clay shoots Bill a thankful look and disappears through the front doors.

“Give him a break.” Bill hands Lainie a bottle of water, “He’s worried about his brother.”

“Uh huh,” Matt wonders what the good deputy would think if he knew exactly how brotherly Clay and Justin really are or if he truly understands the nature of Zach and Alex’s relationship. “Boys will be boys.”

“That’s the spirit.” Bill slaps Matt’s back, making him cough hard.

\-------

“Hey,” Clay loves being Justin’s brother, for now at least. He’s allowed in Justin’s room no question asked, the nurse is even sympathetic, answering all questions, explaining everything.

“Where the fuck were you?” Justin isn’t all here, but he’s aware enough to be annoyed. “Fucker.”

“Flight got delayed.”

“Bullshit.” Justin makes a face when he tries to sit up. “Get me out of here.”

“Our flight is tomorrow.” Clay helps Justin sit up, “And you have an ulcer.”

“Apparently being kidnapped is stressful.” Justin laughs, rolling his eyes and then regretting it immediately because his head is pounding. “You are a downer.”

“Are you allowed to drink anything?”

“Nothing fun,” Justin rejects Clay’s offer to help him with the sippy cup, “Fuck off.”

“Sorry,” Clay backs off, “I will let you sleep.” He immediately jumps up. “I will be right outside.”

“Jesus, get back here,” It hurts to talk. Justin definitely tore something inside without even trying. Wonderful. “Please, Clay don’t play mind games right now.”

“Mind games,” Clay clutches his sore hand to his chest, “What the fuck?”

“What’s wrong?”

“Punched a wall,” Clay returns to Justin’s bedside, “I wasn’t playing mind games, Justin,” He feels the need to argue and fight, even if it is fucking Justin himself. “I want to protect you.”

“Here I fucking am.” Justin laughs, wet, “Protect me.”

“I…” Clay refuses to cry so self-righteous anger it is. “Justin…” Is all he can say. Needy and pathetic. “Tell me what you want.” He could do anything right now, as long as Justin commanded it.

“Doesn’t matter, Clay,” Justin looks away. “Keep making decisions.”

“I fucked up,” Clay won’t cry, he promised himself. It would feel really good though and he realizes that. “I know.”

“You broke it off,” Justin keeps looking toward the window, “Whatever we had.”

“I want you to go to rehab.”

“Fine,” Justin’s voice is raspy. “I will. Happy?”

“I never meant for this to happen,” Clay’s ignores the painful throbbing in his hand. Seth had a really hard head.

“And I did?” Justin asks.

“No,” Clay struggles to control his breathing, “Justin, I’m lost.”

“You are lost?” Justin says as Clay grabs his hand and drops it as soon he realizes there is an IV in it. “I spent the past week with Seth.”

“Don’t talk,” Clay shushes Justin who struggles to breathe.

“Fuck you,” Justin tries to push Clay away and fails. “Fuck off.”

“Okay,” Clay hasn’t eaten in days except for that awful plate of veggies his mother brought him and it’s starting to dawn on him, “If that’s what you want,” He lifts his non-injured hand to Justin’s face and strokes his face, “Then fine, I will wait outside, but I would really not like to.”

“Why?” Justin looks like he wants to slap Clay’s hand away but can’t. “Why did you do it?”

“I want what’s best for you.”

“You’re not my father.”

“I’m your brother.”

“Is that what you want?” Justin challenges, eyes glassy with pain. “Don’t fuck around, Jensen. End it now.”

“I thought I did.” Clay feels tears prickle the corner of his eyes, betraying him.

“And now?” Justin is stone-faced, calm.

“I want what you want.” Clay lowers himself, leaning by the bed, carefully avoiding any buttons or lines, “I’m here.”

“If I have to survive on my own,” Justin is finding it hard to talk, but he keeps going, “I will,” he shakes his head, “I don’t want to.”

“You don’t have to,” Clay promises, exhaustion setting in. “I’m here.”

“Are you?”

“Of course,” Clay kisses Justin’s wrist, “I thought I was doing the right thing.”

“You made me feel worthless,” Justin admits, must be the dehydration or starvation or withdrawal; god knows what it is because he can’t save face anymore. “When you ended it.”

“I didn’t.” Clay rests his forehead on the bed to hide his expression, “Jesus, I’m sorry.”

“Why won’t you keep me?” Justin blames Clay’s crying for his own.

“I fucked up,” Clay doesn’t dare touch Justin. He’s hooked up to at least three different lines.

“Don’t send me away,” Justin says when Clay finally removes his face from beside him, his red nose indicating that he’s done crying. “I wouldn’t make a good hooker.”

“Is that what Seth tried to do?” Clay’s expression is thunderous now.

“It was a job offer,” Justin explains. “I wouldn’t like it.” He coughs, hacking and loud. “Fuck.”

Even a few months ago Justin could have gone for it but now? He’s spoiled. He wants constant love and nourishment and Clay.

“Shh,” Clay regrets not hitting Seth harder, at least with the big baton. “Don’t talk.” He wonders if it’s too late to go back and beat Seth to death.

“I am so tired of being an afterthought.”

“You are not.”

“Prove it,” Justin tries to pull Clay up and on top of him, but his arms are so fatigued and feel useless, “prove it to me.”

“You’re hurt,” Clay crawls up on the bed, mindful of Justin’s abdomen. “Fuck,” he presses kisses on Justin’s throat, jaw, the five o’ clock shadow “You smell awful.”

“You complaining?” Justin challenges again.

“God no,” Clay looks ready to get back on his knees and pray. He can’t believe Justin is actually here. “Fucking missed you.”

“Prove it.” Justin says daringly, “Before that nurse comes back.”

“I’m not proving anything.” Clay presses a kiss to Justin’s forehead, “Until we are back home and you’re back to normal.”

“Pussy,” Justin doesn’t protest when Clay settles in uncomfortably by his side.

Clay chooses to ignore the insult and nuzzles Justin’s neck. “Fuck Seth.”

“My mother did,” Justin says bitterly. “I am still paying for it.”

“Ugh,” Clay makes a face at the visuals.

“Oh, you boys are angels,” The same nurse which has been tending to the private floor for the past hour, smiles lovingly at the innocent picture they paint, “I got two at home just like you two but they are not this sweet. I will get you two extra puddings.”

“Hear that?” Justin murmurs as Clay tries to get closer without disturbing his IV, “We get pudding. Don’t tell her I sucked your dick.”

Seth’s words ring loud in Clay’s ears. _Before he sucked you off? After?_ “How about I suck yours when we get home?” Clay whispers in Justin’s ear.

Justin is stunned at Clay’s out of character offer. Before he can respond, the nurse returns, “I have a chocolate and a plum left.”

“Is he allowed pudding?” Clay takes the plum, taking a spoon to help Justin with his chocolate first.

“You are a good brother,” The nurse remarks after reassuring that yes, Justin is indeed allowed to have pudding.

“See that,” Clay says adoringly, “I’m a good brother.”

“Yeah, good luck with that.” Justin lets Clay spoon-feed him. “Your mom hates me now.”

“She doesn’t hate you,” Clay fights the urge to press more kisses to Justin’s face, for one, he is filthy. “You let me deal with all that.”


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to delete another work on another site but ended up deleting this. Sorry you guys. My bad. Still suffering from writer's block so it is more of the same but re watching slowly to get inspiration. The show is triggering so it is a slow watch for me.

 

“Honey,” Lainie sighs when Clay curls up in a chair beside Justin as usual. “You can go home. I will stay with him.”

“No,” Clay’s tone suggests he won’t argue and it’s futile to try. “I’m not leaving him.”

Justin looks terrible in the hospital’s fluorescent light. They are back home and for that Lainie is infinitely grateful. Clay has been sleeping here every night since Justin has transferred hospitals.

Nobody expected anything different.

“Should I even bother?” Lainie turns to her husband. “Seriously?”

“We can do this,” Matt is a mild-mannered, gentle thing. But when he’s committed to something, god help everyone. “Just give them time.” He thinks he can deal with their teenage situation at home with dignity and tact.

He is clearly delusional.

“Huh?” Lainie says tiredly. “You sound senile.”

Matt waits for Clay to fall asleep, and it’s worrisome how used to those little plastic chairs he is getting. “It’s a phase.”

“I…” Lainie lets Matt lead her out and sinks into an equally uncomfortable bench outside. She has work in six hours. “Matt, honey, what if it isn’t?” The insane hospital bill isn’t the only thing they’ve brought back with them from this unplanned trip to drug hell.

“Then we let our sons be lovers.” Matt tries to be nonchalant about it but the grimace is real. “Dear god we are one of _those_ families.”

“Hey, they are both alive.” Lainie smiles faintly. “We get two sons.”

“Your figure bounced back wonderfully from the second baby, dear.”

“I _would_ get fat after a second baby,” Lainie mutters and then stands up straight when a woman tries to enter Justin’s room. “Excuse me?”

“Uh,” The woman has the dullest eyes, a complete contrast from Justin’s bright blues and her skin is almost ashy and for a second Lainie almost doesn’t recognize Amber Foley from her picture in Justin’s file from when they adopted him. “I need to see my son.”

Lainie is stunned at the audacity, so much so, that Matt has to block the doorway on her behalf, where their sons are resting, not so peacefully, “You can’t do that.” He lacks the fancy lawyer lingo but he gets the message across.

“The fuck I can't.” Amber scoffs, “Justin.” She calls out loudly.

“Get lost,” is all Lainie can bring herself to say. She is so mad.

“I am his mother,” Amber says uselessly.

“You lost custody, remember?” Matt asks, genuinely curious if she remembers. “He’s our son now.”

“You can’t take him from me.” Amber states, appalled at the concept.

“You can’t take him from _me_.” Lainie repeats, furious.

“Oh dear,” Matt can tell his wife is not even a professional anymore. She is barely even a mother. She is a child.

She is Clay.

“I…” Amber blinks slowly, trying to process the situation, wondering if she can win against this woman. “Can I see him?” She tries again.

“No!” Lainie cannot access any of her usual vocabulary. It’s all evolutionary mechanisms in her brain designed to keep what belongs to _her_ because Justin is her son. She can treat him better than this drug addict.

Justin is a drug addict himself but Lainie can fix that. She thinks. She never backs down from a damn challenge. Dear god she really is Clay.

“I just want to say good bye?”

“Can you guys keep it down you will wake…” Clay sighs at Amber, “Jeez.”

“Uh,” Amber shuffles her feet, “Is Justin in?”

“He is asleep, Mrs. Foley, can you come back?”

“I am leaving town for a bit, just wanna say good bye?” Amber paints a pathetic picture, she is no threat or use to anyone. Clay can see how it got this bad for Justin in the first place and finds himself nodding despite his parents’ protests.

“No,” Lainie physically blocks her way. “Enough. Go away.”

“Mom,” Clay can only dumbly watch. Matt was clearly expecting this and is prepared in case Lainie physically lashes out.

“You don’t have any rights. Go away.” Lainie all but screams at Amber.

“Fine, crazy bitch.” Amber mumbles, quietly because Lainie looks ready to hit her, and stumbles back. “Y’all can have him.”

“Thank you.” Matt smiles almost pleasantly when she walks out the tiny waiting area outside the private rooms, “For the amazing job you did with him.”

“He is awful.” Amber states, eyes lucid all of a sudden. “You don’t know the half of it. Everything is an act with you. I know the real him.”

“What are you doing out of bed?” Matt notices Justin standing behind Lainie like a ghost, “Get back in bed now.”

“Mom you are not a prize.” Justin manages to whisper, underused, raspy voice sounding so unlike him. “You let your husbands do all your work for you.”

No one dare asks what that means. They’ve all read about the abuse.

“Just go,” Clay pleads with Amber, his pleas falling on deaf ears. The woman is rabid, the sight of Justin angering her all of a sudden.

“They can have you.” Amber manages to say before she turns toward the door.

“That’s the point, mom.” Justin turns around as well. “Anyone can.”

“Ugh,” Lainie growls and storms off after Amber.

“I will keep your mother out of lockup.” Matt grins because Clay just got a shiver down his spine for a different reason. “You…” He gestures toward Justin’s room.

“Remind me not to adopt a child.” Clay mutters dumbly.

“Son…” Matt opens his mouth, clearly a cheeky remark ready, “You know what?” He smirks, “I will let this one go,” He says as he power walks after Lainie.

\----------

“Just drop it.” Justin mumbles as soon as Clay walks in. “Okay?”

“Right,” Clay doesn’t have a singular idea how to put an IV back in, so he presses the button for the nurse. “She is just…”

“A bitch?” Justin scoffs.

“I was going to say on drugs, but that works,” Clay settles back in his chair.

“I’m on drugs.” Justin reminds Clay.

“You…” Clay can tell what kind of mood Justin is in, so he doesn’t argue. “Get some sleep.”

“That’s all I fucking do.”

“Fine.” Clay sighs, “I’ll get some sleep.”

“Clay,” Justin says when the other refuses to engage him and really does start to fall asleep. “Why was she here?”

“She wanted to say goodbye.” Clay says, jolted out of almost sleep. Falling asleep in these hospital chairs is an artform which he has almost perfected.

“Oh,” Justin says listlessly. “I thought we already did that.”

“She wanted to maybe skip town,” Clay is awake again.

“She did that too.”

“What do you want me to say?” Clay sits up straighter, “She is your mother, you tell me.”

“I keep hoping she will check up on me or something.” Justin shrugs, and then regrets it, underused muscles bothering him.

Clay tries to hide his disbelief. He fails.

“She gave birth to me. Sue me.” At Clay’s squint he quickly adds, “Don’t do that.”

“You can’t expect her to care about you.” Clay scoffs, “She is…”

“Trash?” Justin finishes, “I come from trash. Go ahead Clay. Judge me.”

“She is not up to it.” Clay remembers the weeks he waited for any news of Justin. “She needs to be clean.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Justin says after Clay tries, unsuccessfully, to get into a comfortable position and fails. “About the nightmares?”

“We are doing this now?” Clay reopens his eyes.

“Yeah,” Justin nods. His body may be getting better but his mind… He feels like a raw wound. “Tell me why fucking Tony knows about it.”

“My parents do,” Clay tries to smile, “So does Dr. Ellman.”

“Fuck him.” Justin cringes. God knows the man creeped him out. Lainie actually had the therapist visit Justin and Clay in here and ugh. Gross.

“What you don’t want talk therapy?” Clay’s grin is faker if possible.

“Don’t deflect.”

“Now where did you learn that word?” Clay mocks. Dr. Ellman says it all the time along with _suppress_ and Clay’s personal favourite _overpower_.

“Nightmares, Clay.”

“I don’t know.” Clay shrugs; a habit he’s picked up from Justin. “Maybe there are some things I need you to not know about me.”

“We slept next to each other.” Justin reminds Clay.

“I know.” Clay takes a deep breath. “And the nightmares stopped.”

“Yeah,” Justin’s tone changes, less confrontational. “So.” He doesn’t know what that means.

“Maybe that’s why you don’t know about it,” Clay can’t believe he has to spell it out for Justin. The feelings of safety and warmth he felt when he woke up in Justin’s arms. “Because I had no bad dreams with you beside me.”

Justin wants to make a quip. Something about just how many people Clay has had to sleep next to, to find the right bedmate. Was Tony one of them?

Clearly Clay can read his expression. “I never did anything with Tony. I’m not his type.”

“You are everyone’s type.” Justin reminds Clay. Football players, cheerleaders, nerds, Goths, punks. Doesn’t matter. Clay is a universal taste.

“Tony isn’t everyone.”

“Tony’s special.” Justin mocks.

“I just got you back.” Clay reaches forward and grabs Justin’s hand. “I am not going to argue about this. He’s just a very good friend.”

“I’ve got a pretty dead girl, another girl, a perfect guy,” Justin raises his other hand when Clay tries to protest, “I can talk about Jeff, Clay. I knew him too. We played together.”

“Sorry,” Clay feels incredibly guilty all of a sudden, for new reasons.

“Now it’s your best friend. How many people are there?”

“Justin,” Clay forgives the irrational attitude readily. Justin could stab him and Clay wouldn’t care right now. “This whole town, okay?”

“Fuck you.” Justin says, irritated. “Asshole.”

“You’re what’s important right now.” Clay promises, squeezing Justin’s hand. “Please let me take care of you.”

“That’s all you want to do.” Justin accuses.

“Yes,” Clay states dumbly as a beautiful nurse enters and fixes Justin’s IV.

“What kind of a person spends their whole life just caring for people?” Justin snaps and then rolls his eyes at the nurse, “Oh fuck off.”

“I am so sorry,” Clay blushes when the nurse glares daggers at them both, “He has Tourette’s.”

“Pussy.” Justin mutters when the nurse has left.

“Behave.” Clay warns, “Or…”

“What,” Justin shrugs, “What happens when I don’t behave?”

“I get my mom.”

“I am not scared of your mother, Clay.” Justin says, even if his expression suggests otherwise.

“Just…” Clay pinches his nose. “Go to sleep. Please?”

“Why did you break it off?”

“I was trying to give you space.” At this point Clay has stopped trying to sleep. He tries to rub Justin’s hand some more, it’s too cold in his grasp. “I wanted you to get some help.” Tyler’s tears flash before his eyes and the uncomfortable realization that every single student at their school is going to need a therapist washes over him.

“Okay,” Justin says confrontationally. “Why do we have to break up for it?”

“And round and round we go,” Clay says, resigned to the fight. He compares himself to Bryce. Justin brings up something else or someone else.

There is simply no end to it.

“Sorry I asked a fucking question about our relationship.” Justin swears under his breath, “I realize what I just said, fuck you.”

“Hey,” Clay stops Justin from laying on his side because that will fuck with his IV. “Stop.”

“No,” Justin tries to push Clay away, “You stop.”

“Look,” Clay manages to force Justin to pause and that’s kind of amazing because usually his ‘brother’ has the upper hand physically. “I need you, okay?”

Justin remembers that text message. He thought he imagined it. “You said you needed me.” He repeats.

“Yes,” Clay helps Justin lean back against the pillows more comfortably. “I need you.”

“Is that why you broke up with me?” Justin tries to pull Clay closer. He fails.

“There is nothing to break,” Clay reminds Justin, “You have to get better.” Clay won’t climb in bed with Justin, doesn’t matter how much they both want it.

“You keep sending me mixed messages.” Justin states when Clay settles back in his awful seat again, reminiscent of their chairs at school.

“I am just going to leave that up to you,” Clay says, “Just get better and you decide what’s best.”

“I decide?” Justin gestures to himself. “Me?”

“Yes,” Clay has a feeling he knows where this is going.

“Get in here,” Justin orders, and Clay finds himself trying to fit himself beside Justin on the tiny bed, “Oh for fuck’s sake,” He pulls Clay closer.

“Sorry,” Clay is worried he will move Justin’s lines or worse, hurt Justin in some way. Justin seems so fragile, his athletic self seems to have permanently disappeared. He’s just a shadow of himself, all dark circles under tired eyes.

“You should be,” Justin rests his head on Clay’s chest.

  
 

**Author's Note:**

> Hey everyone, I will be updating in September my sister is getting married and I am in charge of a lot!


End file.
